And That's How The Fight Started With My Mother-In-Law
A few years ago year, I thought it would be good idea to purchase a cemetery plot as a birthday present for my mother-in-law...
The following year, I didn't get her a present.
She was not to happy about this and questioned why I didn't get her a present.
I responded "Well, you still haven't used the birthday present which I purchased for you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
And That's How The Fight Started With My Wife (and Husband)
I went out for a few drinks with my wife to our local bar. We were enjoying a few drinks when I noticed that she kept on looking at a drunken man who was smashing back drinks all by himself in the corner of the room.
I asked her, "Do you know that man?"
"Yes", she said sadly,
"He is my old flame who I dated in high school, I heard that he hit the bottle hard immediately after we broke up years ago, and he hasn't been a sober man since."
"Oh my gosh!" I replied, "Who would think a person could continue celebrating for so long?"
And that's how the fight started...
My lovely wife kept dropping hints about what to get her for her upcoming birthday.
She told me, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 4 seconds."
I went out and bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's how the fight started......
My wife was standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror.
She had a look of frustration on her face and turned to me and said. "I no longer am happy with my appearance. I feel awful and I look wrinkled, fat and old. I really need you to give me a compliment to make me feel better."
I responded, "My darling, you have 20 20 vision."
And that's how the fight started...
My wife sat down beside me on the couch as I was channel surfing with the remote.
She then proceded to say, "Oh, what is that on the TV?"
I replied, "Dust."
And that's how the fight started...
I was in bed watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" with my wife.
I rolled over and asked her 'Do you want to have some fun?'
She looked me in the eye and quickly responded with a resounding "No".
I proceeded to ask her, 'Is that your final answer?'
... Without hesitation she replied, 'Yes..'
I then said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started..
On Saturday I took the wife out for a few drinks.
I pointed over at another couple night sitting at a table and said to my wife, "do you see that couple over there? She gives him a kiss every few minutes. Why don't you do that?"
She replied, "That sounds great, but I don't even know him."
And that's when the fight started.
I was out for dinner with my wife at our local bistro.
The waiter, comes up to us and asks me what we would like for our mains.
"I would like T-Bone steak, medium please"
He replied, "Are you not concerned about the mad cow?"
To which I then said "No, she will order for herself."
And that's when the fight started....
It was a lovely warm sunny summer Sunday so I decided to drive my family to the seaside.
After driving for a while the children started getting restless and asked "Where's the beech daddy?".
I replied, "She is right beside me in the passenger seat"
And that's when the fight started.
My wife kept playing with her wedding ring so I asked her, “honey, why do you keep turning and twisting your ring?”
To which she replied, “I am trying to figure out the combination.”
And that’s when the fight started!
My husband and I were lying under the bed covers when he touched my back, I said, "that feels great." He continued to touch my leg, I then said, "wow, you know that feels even better."
Then all at once he stopped. I asked him, "why did you stop darling?"
He replied, "I found the remote."
And that’s when the fight started.
It has been raining cats and dogs all week and my husband is really starting to get frustrated and angry. He just keeps standing by the window, staring at us.
If this continues, I am going to have to let him in.
And that’s when the fight started!
I went shopping with my wife to buy me some new business shirts but found that the largest size the store had was still too tight.
I asked my wife, "Where do I go from here?"
My wife replied, "Straight to the gym!"
And that's when the fight started.
The other day my husband was having a few beers and said to me, " I am the man of this house. You will wash, cook and clean. You will also rub my feet and shoulders!"
He then went on to ask me "Now can you guess who is going to help me dress?"
To which I replied " the Funeral Director?"
And that's when the fight started.
My youngest son asked my husband, “Dad, what is an alcoholic?”
He replied, “Do you see those 4 trees? An alcoholic would see 8 trees.”
My son responded, “But dad there are only 2 trees.”
And that’s when the fight started.
The other day my youngest son asked my husband, "Father I heard at school that in parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her, is this true?"
My husband looked him square in the eyes and replied, "Son, that happens in every country."
And that's when the fight started.
My husband was recently stopped by a police officer who said, “Congratulations, sir! You are the 1,000,000th car to drive over this bridge – you win $10,000!
What will you do with that money?”
My husband gets very emotional and says, “First of all, I’ll finally obtain my driver’s license!” I cut in and said, “Don’t listen to him, officer, he’s still drunk!”
My mother in law says from the back seat, “I knew we shouldn’t have taken this stolen car!” And my cousin in the trunk asks, “Hey, are we past the border now?”
And that’s when the fight started!
Last Sunday morning I got up at 6am to go fishing.
I got out of bed very quietly, got dressed into my fishing clothes and made my sandwiches.
I went into my garage, hooked up the boat trailer up and started driving out in the heavy rain. I turned the radio on to hear that the wind and rain would be relentless all day, so I thought, bugger this I am going back home to bed.
I drove home and snuck back into bed cuddling up to my wife's back; now with a different hope for the morning, and whispered, "The weather out there is just awful."
My lovely wife of 10 years replied, "yeah, can you believe my idiot husband is out fishing in this?"
And that's how the fight started....
And That's How The Fight Started With The Little Person
I crashed into the back of a car at the lights this morning...not the best start to my day!
The driver of the car I rear ended gets out and he is a DWARF!!
He looks at me and says, look mate 'I am NOT Happy!'
I replied, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
And That's how the fight started.
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