You will love our Coronavirus One Liner Jokes And Puns but firstly we would like to point out that the Coronavirus itself is no joke, it is serious and even deadly business. What is funny however, is some of the madness going on in the world because of the Covid-19, the toilet paper hoarding, the stockpiling of groceries and don't forget the new Coronavirus Challenge where people lick toilet seats, article here .
Humour is great, it can even help to relieve anxiety around worrying issues. Here are our top ten Coronavirus One Liner Jokes. Be careful though, humour is infectious and these jokes are going viral, puns intended.
The Top Ten Coronavirus One Liner Jokes
10. I know a great joke about Corona Virus, you probably won't get it though.
9. A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says "I'll have a Corona please, hold the virus"
8. If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die. I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.
7. With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
6. I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant "what kills the Corona Virus?"
She replied to me "Ammonia Cleaner"
I said "Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here"
5. *Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
4. Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.
3. Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
2. They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.
And for number 1. Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.
Bonus Jokes
- Definition of Irony - When the Year Of The Rat starts with a plague.
-I hate people that go out in public when they have Covid.
They really make me sick.
-There is a new Covid strain that is causing people to gain massive amounts of weight.
The om-nom-nom-nom-icron variant
- I stood on my talking scales today and they said "please practice social distancing, only one person at a time".
- People with a cold - "I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible"
People with Corona Virus - "I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago"
- My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately, now when I pee I clean the toilet.
- Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.
- 2020 is a unique leap year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 10 years in April.
- Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled "last call"
- Knock knock.
Who is there? Seriously, don't touch my door and get back 2 metres to social distance
- I think it is great that people are finally starting to drink water, wipe their ass and wash their hands.
- I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received from the staff in the last 10 years.
- When this whole Covid saga is done and dusted, I still want many of you to stay away from me.
- Hang on, you are telling me that they don't have a cure for a disease that can be killed with soap?
- Is August too early to put up the xmas tree? I am up to date with everything else.
-OK, so apparently my chance of survival is directly reliant upon how much common sense the rest of the world has? You have to be joking me.
- If you are in the group of people that thinks that if we just reopen everything and go back to life as per normal, please raise your hand. Now give yourself a damn good slap with that hand,
- Do you remember when you were a little kid and your undies were printed with the different days of the week? How useful would they be right now?
- Do you remember on all those Sundays when you just wanted the weekend to go on forever? Well, wish granted.
- I just finished a titanic washing load of PJ's. Now I have enough clean work clothes for the whole week.
- Never in my wildest of wild dreams did I ever think I would go up to a bank teller and request money with a mask on.
-Ok, so if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?
- To the people who bought 20 bottles of soap leaving none of the shelves for others, you do realise that to stop getting Coronavirus, you need other people washing their hands too.
- Chuck Norris has been exposed to the Coronavirus. The virus is now in quarantine for a month.
- Chinese doctors have confirmed the name of the first person to contract Coronavirus. His name is Ah-Chu.
- Don't worry, the Corona Virus won't last long... It was made in China.
- To those who are complaining about the quarantine period and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war, you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.
- How come the liquor stores don't have empty shelves? Don't people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?
- Mexico is asking Trump to hurry up and build the wall NOW!
-Having trouble staying at home? Shave your eyebrows off.
- I'll bet a million dollars the same people that stockpiled toilet rolls are the same people who speed up in overtaking lanes.
- During self isolation..
Dogs: "Oh My god, you're here all day and this is the best as I can love you, see you, be with you and follow you! I am so excited because you are the greatest and I love you being here so much!
Cats: "What the hell are you still doing here?"
- I don't know why my fishing buddy is worried about Coronavirus, he never catches anything.
-Social distancing rule: If you can smell their fart, move further apart.
- The Coronavirus has achieved what no female has every been able to achieve. It has cancelled sports, closed all bars and kept all guys at home!
-The science communtiy has figured out that the spread of Coronavirus is based solely on two things.
1. How dense the population is
2. How dense the population is
Yesterday my supply of toilet paper was exhausted.
Times are really rough.
Most people bleed red.
Royal's bleed blue.
The American President apparently bleeds disinfectant.
My parents always nagged me that I was achieving nothing by sitting on my ass in my room playing xbox. Well look at me now mum and dad, I am saving the world.
Have you had to wear glasses and a mask at the same time because of Covid-19?
You may be entitled to condensation.
We thought we'd have flying cars by the year 2020, but no, here we are teaching people how to wash their hands.
Top Ten Coronavirus Puns
These virus puns will make you laugh so make sure that you share them with your friends to make them laugh too!
10.
I will tell you a Coronavirus joke now, but you will have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
9.
Because of the lockdown, we will only be telling inside jokes.
8.
Finland has apparently closed all of their borders. Nobody is able to cross the finish line.
7.
There is an absolute abundance of Coronavirus puns on social media, it is an absolute pundemic.
6.
Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
5.
In nice months time there is going to be a baby boom and 12 years later we will witness the arrival of the quaranteens.
4.
The World Health Organisation has officially announced that dogs are not able to contract and carry Covid-19. All dogs that have been held in lockdown can now be released. WHO let the dogs out.
3.
Do you have any idea why the virus was named the Novel Coronavirus? Because it is an extremely long story.
2.
There has been a lot of panic buying in Germany of sausages and cheese. It is a wurst kase scenario.
1.
The supermarkets in France all look like they have been hit by a natural disaster. All that remains is de brie.
You may have heard that Tom Hanks has contracted Coronavirus, here is an update on how he is going...
The Best (Or Worst) Covid Mask Jokes
Here at Keep Laughing Forever, we are unsure if the following people are geniuses or idiots. Just have a look at these people attempting to protect themselves from Corona Virus.
and here is our favourite toilet paper joke relating to Coronavirus
If you think you may have Coronavirus make sure you phone your doctors instead of heading in and possibly infecting other people. More info on Coronavirus here
Did You Enjoy these lockdown jokes? Check out our other hilarious joke collections Here
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If you are looking for things to do check out our top 10 lockdown activities.