The Best Funny Pick Up Lines!

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Man: Is there a vet anywhere around here?

Woman: I don't think so, why?

Man: (Whilst flexing his guns) Because these pythons are sick

Man: Are you by chance an appendix?

Woman: No, why?

Man: Because I have no idea how you work, but I have a feeling in my belly that makes me want to take you out.





Do you have a shovel?

Because I am really digging your butt.





You don't sweat much for a fat chick.





Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?





Is your name google?

Because you defnitely have everything I have been searching for.





They told me to never judge a book by its cover but I don't even know you and I am already checking you out.





Why don't we play carpenter?

First we get really hammered, then I get to nail you





I’m not an expert at maths, but I’m great with numbers.

How about this, you give me yours and just wait to see what I can do with it.





Do you know how much a fat penguin weighs?

It is heavy enough to break the ice.





Do you believe in Karma?

Because I have some awesome karma-sutra positions to show you.





Is your name homework?

Because I haven't done you but I wish I had.





Feel my shirt, do you know what it is made of?

Polyester (they expect you to say boyfriend material)

When someone says to you

"Do you have the time?" respond with "Do you have the energy"

"Do you have a match?" respond with "I have the perfect match, me and you"

I'm not a weatherman, but you can definitely expect at least 3 inches tonight.

Are you by chance a drill sergeant?

Because you certainly have my privates standing at attention.


Is there an airport nearby or is that my heart taking off?

What winks and humps like a tiger?
(proceed to wink at girl/guy)

Hey babe, my love is a tidal wave and you're beach front property.


What has 52 teeth and is able to hold back Godzilla?

My zipper

Do you work for FedEx?

Because I'm sure I just saw you checking out my package.





Are you by chance the gulf of Mexico?

Because I really want to drill you and make a huge mess.

You remind me of my garbage bin, I'd love to take you out on thursdays.

You are so gorgeous that you made me forget my pick up line.

(This one is failsafe!) If I was to ask if you wanted to sleep with me, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?

Am I able to follow you home?

Because I was always taught to follow my dreams.

Man: Do you have any sultanas?

Woman: No, why?

Man: How about a date?

Check the label on the girls shirt and say the ever classic "Just as I thought, made in heaven". When she looks disappointed at your lame effort and starts to ignore you just say "you know what? one day your kids are going to come up to me and ask, daddy, how did you meet mommy? and I am going to have to tell them what a bitch you are being right now.

Man: I recently read an article that said 92% of women masturbate in the shower, and the other 8% sing. Do you have any idea what song they sing?

Woman: No?

Man: Starts giggling

You remind me of my big toe?

Because I would definitely bang you against every single piece of furniture in my house.

Are your parents terrorists?

Because you the bomb baby.




Do you want to see what an Australian kiss is?

It is like a normal one but down under.

My name is John, now you know what to scream later on.

I would tell you a joke about my member but it is far too long.

Are you a sea lion?

Because I sure can sea you lion beside me in my bed later on.

Look at me, I have so many knives and forks and all I need is a little spoon, you would be perfect!

Con: You have to lug around a bunch of cutlery when you go out.

Pro: You are never short of cutlery.

Excuse me but do you have an ugly boyfriend/girlfriend?


Would you like one?

Man: "excuse me, I have a question and I would like a females thoughts"

Lady: "How can I help you?"

Man: "If a see a lady that I find really attractive, should I just go straight up to her and say hello and introduce myself or is that too forward?"

Lady: "I think you should definitely say hi and introduce yourself."

Man: "Hi there, I'm John. Nice to meet you"

Holy smokes girl, your bone structure is giving my bone structure.

If you were a fruit, you would be a FINEapple.

If you were a vegetable you would be a cute cumber

Man: I am so sorry but I am going to have to ask you to leave right now.

Lady: Why?

Man: You are making all the other women look bad

My keys are in my pocket but you are still managing to drive me crazy.

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