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You're So Fat Insults

 

 

 

You're so fat that when you got on the scales they said "I need your weight not your phone number"

You're so fat that an oragami crane has less folds than you.

You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat people shout out "taxi"

You're so fat, the photo I took of you last christmas is still printing.

 

 

 

You're so fat that you have to go out to the driveway to iron your trousers.

You're so fat that when you get dressed you have to use a boomerang to put your belt

You're so fat that your favourite necklace is the food chain.

You're so fat that you sat on a memory foam and it immediately forgot.

You're so fat that when you fell over noone was laughing but the ground sure was cracking up.

You are so fat that when you step on the scales it says "to be continued".

You are so fat that you don't need the internet, you are already worldwide.

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.

You are so fat that you were arrested for carrying 50 pounds of crack.

You're So Ugly Insults

If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.

You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.

 

You're so ugly that when you tried to enter an ugly contest the judges said, "sorry, no professionals".

You're so ugly that when you were born they had to put dark tints on your incubator.

 

 

 

 

You're so ugly that when you walk into your local bank they have to turn off the security cameras so they don't break.

 

 

 

 

You are so ugly that when you look at the mirror, your reflection throws up.

 

 

 

 

You're so ugly that when you went to the haunted house you came out with a job application.

​​​You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.

You're so ugly that I'm going to have to stop drinking just in case I start seeing two of you.

You're so ugly, you look like someone tried to put out a face fire with a bike chain.

 

 

 

You're so ugly that your mum takes you to work with her everyday just so that she doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.

 

 

 

You are so ugly that your portraits hang themselves.

You're so ugly that instead of seeing a doctor when you get sick, you go to the local vet.

You're so ugly that when you stuck your head outside your car window, you were arrested by the police for mooning.

You're so ugly that whenever you sit down on sand all the nearby cats come and try to bury you.

You are so ugly that when you went swimming the tide wouldn't bring you back to shore.

You're so ugly that people don't mind when you park your car in the handicapped spot.

You're so ugly that even the police sketcher was too scared to draw you.

You're so ugly that as soon as your mother went into labor, all of the hospital staff went on strike.

You're so ugly that Freddy Krueger has nightmares about your face.

 

You're So Stupid Jokes

You're so stupid that when you heard it was chilly outside you ran and got a bowl and spoon.

 

 

 

I am not saying that you are stupid, just that you have a lot of bad luck when thinking.

 

 

 

If you were any slower, you would need watering once a week.

 

 

 

Somewhere out there a village is missing it's idiot.

 

 

 

You're so stupid that you thought a quarterback was a refund.

 

 

 

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”

 

 

 

You're so stupid that you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

 

 

 

You are so stupid that when you were driving to disneyland you saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so you turned around and went home.

You are so stupid that when someone stole your television set you ran outside and screamed "hey! you forgot the remote control!"

 

 

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You're So Hairy Insults

 

 

 

You're so hairy that when you come out of the shower it is like Gorillas In The Mist.

 

 

 

You are so hairy that when you went hiking, another sighting of Bigfoot was reported.

 

 

You are so hairy that when you take your dog for a walk, you get pet first.

You are so hairy that when you went to the zoo they locked you in a cage.

You are so hairy that you need a chainsaw to shave your legs.

 

 

 

You are so hairy that when you go skydiving you look like a magic carpet.

You are so hairy that you shaved your body and lost 15kg.

 

 

 

You are so hairy that last year a couple of birds made nests in your armpits and you still don't know about them.

 

 

 

You're so hairy that when you went to the beach everyone told you to take off your fur coat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Funny Insults

 

 

 

Those teeth look like you could eat an apple through a tennis racquet.

 

 

 

 

You have an extremely kind face, the kind you throw bricks at.

 

 

 

 

Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.

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No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.

It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

 

 

 

 

If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.

 

 

 

I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.

 

 

 

​​​​​​​​You're so fake, Barbie is jealous.

 

 

 

 

I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!

 

 

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

 

 

 

If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

 

 

 


Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.

 

 

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I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

 

 

 

 

I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.

 

 

 

 

Roses are red, violets are violet, my life is better, without you inside it.

 

The roses have gone, the flowers are dead, the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

 

Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.

 

 

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

 

 

Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."

Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.

 

 

 

 

Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid.

 

 

 

 

Why don't you go play in traffic.

 

 

 

Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.

 

I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

 

They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.

 

 

 

 

Stop trying to be a smart ass, you're just an ass.

 

 

The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.

 

 

 

 

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

 

If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence.

Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.

If you are going to be 2 faced, at least make one of them pretty.

Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you will find a brain back there.

All day I thought of you...... I was at the zoo.

You have "mint" breath. Mint to brush your teeth and forgot.

I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

Q: Have you ever seen a jackass wrapped in plastic?

A: Show me your license.

You are similar to Rapunzel however instead of letting your hair down, you let down everybody you know.

You should really carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen that you waste when you speak.

Screenshot_2020-04-07 The Top 10 Corona

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