Keep Laughing Forever with these Hilariously Funny Insults!
(Bookmark us! - we are constantly adding new jokes)
You're So Ugly Insults
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
You're so ugly, you scared the crap out of the toilet.
You're so ugly that when you tried to enter an ugly contest the judges said, "sorry, no professionals".
You're so ugly that when you went to the haunted house you came out with a job application.
You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering.
You're so ugly that I'm going to have to stop drinking just in case I start seeing two of you.
You're so ugly that your mum takes you to work with her everyday just so that she doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.
You are so ugly that your portraits hang themselves.
You're So Fat Insults
You're so fat that when you got on the scales they said I need your weight not your phone number"
You're so fat that an oragami crane has less folds than you.
You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat people shout out "taxi"
You're so fat that you have to go out to the driveway to iron your trousers.
You're so fat that when you get dressed you have to use a boomerang to put your belt.
You're so fat that your favourite necklace is the food chain.
You're so fat that you sat on a memory foam and it immediately forgot.
You're so fat that when you fell over noone was laughing but the ground sure was cracking up.
You are so fat that when you step on the scales it says "to be continued".
You are so fat that you don't need the internet, you are already worldwide.
You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.
You are so fat that when you go out to check your letterbox, it measures 8 on the Richter scale.
You are so fat that you were arrested for carrying 50 pounds of crack.
You're So Stupid Jokes
You're so stupid that when you heard it was chilly outside you ran and got a bowl and spoon.
You're so stupid that you thought a quarterback was a refund.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
You're so stupid that you climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
You are so stupid that when you were driving to disneyland you saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so you turned around and went home.
You are so stupid that when someone stole your television set you ran outside and screamed "hey! you forgot the remote control!"
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
You're So Hairy Insults
You're so hairy that when you come out of the shower it is like Gorillas In The Mist.
You are so hairy that when you went hiking, another sighting of Bigfoot was reported.
You are so hairy that when you take your dog for a walk, you get pet first.
You are so hairy that when you went to the zoo they locked you in a cage.
You are so hairy that you need a chainsaw to shave your legs.
You are so hairy that when you go skydiving you look like a magic carpet.
You are so hairy that you shaved your body and lost 15kg.
You are so hairy that last year a couple of birds made nests in your armpits and you still don't know about them.
You're so hairy that when you went to the nude beach everyone yelled at you to take off your fur coat.
Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.
No I'm not insulting you, I'm describing you.
It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents.
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
I guess you prove that even god makes mistakes sometimes.
The only way you'll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken's ass and wait.
You're so fake, Barbie is jealous.
I’m jealous of people that don’t know you!
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.
You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing.
I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Roses are red, violets are violet, my life is better, without you inside it.
The roses have gone, the flowers are dead, the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.
Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?
Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, your in the way.
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
Some babies were dropped on their heads but you were clearly thrown at a wall.
Don't like my sarcasm, well I don't like your stupid.
Why don't you go play in traffic.
Please shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.
I'd slap you, but that would be animal abuse.
They say opposites attract. I hope you meet someone who is good-looking, intelligent, and cultured.
Stop trying to be a smart ass, you're just an ass.
The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it.
I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
If ugly were a crime, you'd get a life sentence.
Your mind is on vacation but your mouth is working overtime.
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.
If you are going to be 2 faced, at least make one of them pretty.
Keep rolling your eyes, perhaps you will find a brain back there.
All day I thought of you...... I was at the zoo.
You have "mint" breath. Mint to brush your teeth and forgot.
I'm trying to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
Q: Have you ever seen a jackass wrapped in plastic?
A: Show me your license.