Keep Laughing Forever With These Funny Jokes About Jobs!
(Bookmark us! - we are constantly adding new jokes)
Jokes About Accountants
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He just couldn't budget.
A banker, a mathematician and an accountant all go for a job interview. The interviewer asks them all to individually calculate 1+1.
The banker answers first "2 of course"
The mathematician answers second "simple, the answer is 2"
The accountant then stands up, shuts the door and says to the interviewer "what do you need it to be?"
Why did the accountant have to go to drug rehab?
Why did the accountant have an accident in his pants?
He lacked internal controls.
How many Auditors does it take to scre in a lightbulb?
I'm not too sure, how many did we use last year?
What is an accountants favourite thing about holidays?
There is way less traffic on the way to work.
An accountant man marries a banker woman and everything is going great at first however ever after a little while they sart to argue about small things.
They seek help from a marriage counsellor who tells them to reconcile their differences.
How did the auditor propose to his girlfriend?
With an engagement letter.
What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?
The accountant is aware that he is dull and boring.
Why did the accountant fall over?
His balance was off.
What is a failsafe form of birth control for an accountant?
Jokes about accountants are accrual things to tell.
My friend lost their job as a psychic.
They didn't see that one coming did they.
Jokes About Lawyers
What is the main difference between god and a lawyer?
God understands that he is not a lawyer.
What is the difference between a good lawyer and an excellent lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law well, an excellent lawyer knows the judge well!
What do you call a 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
What do you call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
The Great Barrister reef.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
One in a million have a chance of becoming human over time.
Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients?
It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same servrice.
What happened to the lawyer who took viagra?
He grew a few inches taller.
Why did god make rats before making lawyers?
He needed the practice.
What is the difference between lawyers and leeches?
Leeches go away once you are dead.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a bike?
The vacuum cleaner keeps the dirtbag on the inside.
What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the other is a fish.
How does a lawyer say F You?
Jokes About Builders And Construction
What do airplane builders think about their job?
It is riveting.
Did you hear about the lesbian carpenters?
They didn't use any studs and got the job done lickety split.
I have an excellent joke about construction but I still need to work on it.
I saw 2 construction workers having lunch together the other day. Do you know what they were building?
2 construction workers Bob and Cliff are sitting in porta loos beside one another.
Bob hears Cliff say "damn it!". Bob asks him what is wrong?
Cliff explains that he dropped a $5 note down the toilet.
Bob finishes up his business and heads over to Cliff to see him throwing another $20 note into the toilet.
Bob asks him "what the hell are you doing?"
Cliff replies "You didn't think I would go down in there for just $5"
Other Job Jokes
Working in the mirror factory is something I can literally see myself doing
I took an exam last week to see if I could become an insect inspector.
I think I will get the job because I boxed all the right ticks.
Working as a lumberjack for the past 3 years I know that I have cut down 10,432 trees.
How you ask?
Everytime I cut one down I keep a log.
I worked a few months as a tailor last year.
I wasn't really suited for it and the work was so-so.
Why did the bloke have to quit his job at Ford installing mufflers?
It was just too exhausting.
Why couldn't the guy be a fulltime fisherman?
The net income wasn't enough.
Why did the man have to quit his job fixing baths, sinks and showers?
The work was just too draining.
People are often shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am.
I tried to spend this summer making orange juice.
I had to stop the job because I couldn't concentrate.
I got a commerce degree and then tried my luck as an investment banker.
It was a fun gig for a while but I eventually quit because I lost interest.
Employer: For this role the candidate needs to be responsible
Me: I'm your man, in my last job whenever anything bad happened the boss always said to me "you are responsible".
How many optometrists does it take to screw in a light bulb.. 1 or 2? 1.. or 2?
I work as a lifeguard, it is my job is to actively fight natural selection.
A man was brutally attacked then robbed and left bleeding and bruised in the street.
A Psychologist rushes up to the man and says: "Dear lord! Whoever did this really needs some help!"
I have a hilarious joke about a courier, but I am afraid you may not get it.
How can you tell if a lead singer is at your front door?
He is not sure where to come in and he is unable to find the key
In retail, there are 2 important things to learn which are honesty and empathy, and the sooner you learn to fake these the better you will be at your job.