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Hilarious Animal Jokes And Puns

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Funny Lion And Ostrich Joke

​​​​​Jokes And Puns About Various Other Animals


Did you hear about the crazy Aussie scientist who decided to crossbreed a porcupine with a sheep?

He made an animal that is able to knit its own sweaters.

Why can;t you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because the "P" is silent.




If it sounds like a duck, has a beak like a duck, feet like a duck and swims like a duck, you still better make sure that it is not a platypus.

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood.

The nurse asked the rabbit "what is your blood type?"

The rabbit replied "I'm probably a type-o".





What are goose bumps for?

To slow the geese down.




I returned my lizard to the pet store today as it wouldn't stop telling me jokes.

The store clerk said "that isn't a lizard, it is a stand up chameleon."

Why do ants never get sick?

Because they all have anty bodies.





What happened to the frog's motorcar when the engine blew up?
It was eventually toad away.

I love raising caterpillars as pets.

It always gives me butterflies

Q: What did the goose say when he purchased a new lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill please."

Q: Is a kangaroo able to jump higher than the Eiffel tower?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

You are able to tell the gender of an any just by placing them in water.

If they sink, girl ant. If the float, buoyant.





Q: Why did the team of witches always lose their cricket matches?
A: Their bats kept flying away.

Q: Why didn't the leopard enjoy playing hide and seek?
A: Because he was spotted all the time.


Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.


Q: Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?

A: Because if they had 4 doors then they would be chicken sedans!





Q: What karate move does a pig do best?
A: A pork chop.

Winner Of The Lazy Cat Mousetrap Joke

Two men are touring through a game park when they eventually come across a lion that has not eaten for many days. The lion starts hunting the two men. The men sprint as fast as they can until of them starts to tire and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He turns to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Overjoyed to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads toward the lion. As he nears closer to the lion, he hears it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."

Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.

How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night time?

With flood lighting

​​​​Roses are red, violets are blue, I am the walrus, Coo coo cachoo (only Beatles fans will get this one!)

I saw a car with a bumper sticker "I am a vet, therefor I drive like an animal".

Suddenly I realised how many gynecologists there are on the roads.

I have just started a dating website for chickens. It is not my normal job, I am just doing it..... To make hens meet

Why do grizzly bears have hairy coats?

Fur protection

What is the best way to tell is a snake is a baby or adult snake?

The baby snake has a rattle

Which is the least interesting beast in the entire animal kingdom?

The boar.

I just saw a documentary on the tv about beavers.

It was the best dam program I have ever seen.

Last week I purchased a packet of animal biscuits

On the packet it read “Do not consume if the seal is broken”, sure enough.. broken seal, turtle, horse, the whole team. Had to throw the whole lot in the trash




What is an owl's favourite tv show?

Doctor whooo

Having a horse in the evenings can be a real nightmare.

Why did all of the rabbits go on strike?

They wanted more celery

I have never hunted bear, but I once went fishing in just my shorts.

Why did the big Clydesdale give her pony friend just a glass of water to drink?

Because he was a little horse.

I can't stand jokes about insects. They really bug me.

My daughter wanted to dress up as a rodent control worker for halloween.

I said "just gopher it"

I have the heart of a lion, I also have a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo.

I'll never forget the on the cashiers face, when she scanned the packet of bird seed and I asked her "how long does it take for the birds to grow once I plant them?"

Imagine how excited barn owls were when people invented barns.

A gianormous fly was attacking the police station so they sent out the SWAT team.

Why are cats the best salesman?

They are very purr-suasive.




Does your horse smoke?


Well I think your stable is burning.

The Energizer bunny has been arrested.

He was apparently charged with battery.

What did the beaver say to the tree?

Nice gnawing you.

What does a female snake use for support?

A Co-bra.

What do you call a monkey walking through a mine field?

A babooom!

I have a chicken proof lawn.

It is impeckable

What do you call a pig with laryngitis?


I went for a job at the local stables. They asked me if I had shoed a horse before?

I said "no but I once said boo to a donkey".

My mate just broke the world record for getting the largest amount of pigeons to land on him. The guys a ledge.

What is another name for an owls beak?

Who knows.

What happened to the geese that fell down the stairs?

They got goose bumps.

What is the difference between unlawful and illegal?

One is in violation of the law, the other is a sick bird.

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