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Keep Laughing Forever with these hilariously funny Blonde Jokes!

(Bookmark us! - we are constantly adding new jokes)

Q: Why did the Blonde tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills

 

 


Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted


 

 

 

Q: What do you call a blonde who never showers?
A: A dirty blonde


 

 

 

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.


 

 

 

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Q: Why don't blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

 

 

 


A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
 

 

 


Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

 

 

 


Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4

 

 

 


Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

 

 

 

 

 

 


There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

 



Q: Why did the blonde keep doing the backstroke?
A: She just had lunch and didn't want to swim on a full stomach.

 

 


Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

 


Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

 


Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of 40?
A: A blonde parade

Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin

 

 

 


Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
A: She sticks it in the microwave

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."
 

 


Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?
A: Put "please flip over" on both sides of a piece of paper!

 


Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.

 


There are 11 people hanging onto a rope that comes down from an airplane. 10 of them are blonde, and one is a brunette. They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. No one can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech, ending with the words, "I'll get off." The blondes, all moved by the brunette's speech, start clapping. Problem solved.
 

 

 


Q: What do blondes and dog poo have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.

 


Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.



Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
A: Because she kept throwing away all of the W's

 


Q: Why don't blondes talk while having sex?
A: Their moms told them NEVER to talk to strangers.


 


Q: How do you make a Blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear



 


Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a Blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader

 


Q: How did the Blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her

 

 


Q: What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champ

 

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Why did the blonde put lipstick on above her eyebrows?

She was trying to make up her mind.

Doctor: "How can I help you today?"

Blonde: "It hurts right here, OUCH" she says as she points to her shoulder

Doctor: "Ok, Does it hurt elsewhere on you?"

Blonde: "It sure does, on my leg here, OUCH" she says as she points to her leg.

Doctor: "I see, does it hurt in any other places?"

Blonde: "Sure does. On my back right here, OUCH." she cries as she points to her back.

Doctor: "Are you actually a blonde that dyed her her brown?"

Blonde: "Yes! How on earth did you know?"

Doctor: "Well, you have actually got a broken finger."

What do you get when you line up 5 blondes side by side?

A wind tunnel.

What did the blonde say when the doctor told her that she was pregnant?

"I hope it is mine"

A Russian and an American are having a hot debate about who was the first on the moon.

Russian: "You know this Mr American, we were the first ones in the outer space."

American: "No way buddy, it was us dang it! We were the first!  America baby"

A blonde lady comes along and says, "That is nothing, we are going to be the first ones on the sun!"

The Russian and American burst out laughing and eventually say to her "Sorry but you can't go to the sun, you would burn up and die"

Blonde: "Oh my gosh, we are not idiots. We plan on traveling at night time."

A blonde lady is driving down the highway at lightning speed in her new sports car when a traffic officer pulls her over. The traffic officer is also a blonde woman.

The blonde officer approaches the blonde lady's car and requests to see her drivers licence. The lady starts searching high and low for her licence and become extremely frustrated until finally she asks "what does the my licence look like?"

The blonde officer replies "it is a square which has a picture of you on it".

The blonde lady finally pulls out a compact mirror from her purse and hands it to the officer, "I think I found it" she says as she hands the mirror over.

The blonde officer takes a quick look at the mirror and replies "I'm ever so sorry, I didn't realise that you were a traffic officer too" and lets the lady go.

A blonde was getting sick of all the blonde jokes that she was hearing at work so one night she decided to go home and learn all of the state capitals of the USA.

She comes into work the next day and proudly claims, "us blondes are smarter than you realise, I know all of the state capitals, test me and I'll tell you the answer".

A fellow worker says, "ok, tell me what is the capital of Arizona?"

The blonde replies "A"


 

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