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The Best Chuck Norris Jokes 2023
What are Chuck Norris Jokes?
Chuck Norris Jokes are absolutely ridiculous facts about how tough and strong the famed martial artist actor Chuck Norris is. These jokes started in 2005 in the Something Awful forums, these jokes were a response to Vin Diesel's, film The Pacifier. These jokes are so popular that other stars have started having similar jokes about them such as Jack Bauer from "24" played by Kiefer Sutherland.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he farted for the first time, that is when the big bang first happened.
Chuck Norris was exposed to Covid-19.
Covid-19 had to go into quarantine for a month.
Chuck Norris is able to build a snowman out of water.
Chuck Norris didn't call the wrong number, you answered the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris didn't cheat death, he won fairly and squarely.
Chuck Norris walked into chemistry class and ripped the Periodic Table of Elements off of the wall. Why?
Because the only element Chuck Norris needs is the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer.
It is a pity that he has never cried.... ever.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once.
He won by tying them together with an anaconda.
Chuck Norris was once bitten by a poisonous snake. And after a week of excruciating pain, the snake died.
There are no streets named after Chuck Norris because no one would ever cross Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris's mother tried to have an abortion.
The procedure resulted in the doctor being knocked unconscious by Chuck Norris.
If you put your ear next to a seashell you hear the ocean. If you put your ear next to Chuck Norris' boot you hear the opening riff to Scorpions' "Rock You Like a Hurricane"
When alexander graham bell first invented the telephone
He had three missed calls from chuck norris
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
A rainbow happens every time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
Why is Chuck Norris alive?
Because Bruce Lee lets him live. More Bruce Lee Jokes here.
Chuck Norris doesn't pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once had an arm wrestling contest with superman.
I'm not going to say who won, but the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside for the rest of his life.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
When Chuck Norris was born the doctor asked him to name his parents.
George Lucas couldn't cast Chuck Norris as Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars trilogy..
If he did, it would be only 8 minutes long. 7 of those minutes are for the intros and credits.
Chuck Norris never needs to flush the toilet.
He always scares the crap out of it.
The laws of physics always bend the rules for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris didn't get a Covid-19 vaccine.
Covid-19 got a Chuck Norris vaccine.
Chuck Norris eats his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns and dragons.
Chuck Norris once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Whenever Chuck Norris leaves a room the Foo Fighters' "My Hero" starts to play out of nowhere.
Whenever Chuck Norris peels onions, the onions always cry.
Chuck Norris can pull a wheelie when riding a unicycle.
Chuck Norris was born with two umbilical cords, one red and one blue. The bomb squad cut the wrong cord.
Chuck Norris makes a lot of money selling his urine, it is called Red Bull.
Chuck Norris is able to slam a revolving door.
The day after Chuck Norris was born he drove his mother home, he wanted her to get some rest.
Chuck Norris built the hospital that he was born in.
Chuck Norris knows exactly what to do with the drunken sailors early in the morning.
Chuck Norris played a game of rock, paper scissors against his reflection, and won.
When Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a big mac, they made it for him, perfectly.
The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.
A condom puts on protection to avoid becoming impregnated by Chuck Norris on date night.
Chuck Norris is able to start a fire using an extinguisher.
Chuck doesn't need to throw out the trash, it always throws itself out.
Chuck Norris is able to recycle toxic waste.
Chuck Norris has to carry a concealed weapons permit when he wears his regular clothes.
When Chuck once roundhouse kicked a coal mine and turned it into a diamond mine.
Chuck Norris doesn't strike gold, gold is the byproduct of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking rocks.
When police officers approach Chuck Norris they say "we have the right to remain silent".
When Chuck Norris lifts weights, the weights get in shape.
Chuck Norris is able to strangle people using a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris is the reason that Wally is always hiding.
When Chuck Norris falls from a great height, the ground has it's life flash before it's eyes.
When Chuck Norris enters a building that is on fire, the Chuck Norris alarm rings.
When Thanos snapped his fingers he disappeared.
Chuck Norris doesn't like snapping.
The sun has to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris glances at it.
When Chuck Norris looked into the abyss, the abyss looked the other way.
The Grand Canyon was formed when Chuck Norris was doing a triathlon.
Chuck Norris was on the swimming leg.
Bigfoot is still hiding because he once saw Chuck Norris walking in the mountains.
When Chuck Norris drops the soap in prison, he picks it up successfully.
The Loch Ness Monster claims to have seen Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can drink a whole glass of beer. Yep, even the glass.
When Chuck Norris uses the internet he can skip ads whenever he wants, ads are not able to skip Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't negotiate with terrorists.
The terrorists negotiate with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling tournament, with both arms tied behind his back.
The "Roundhouse kick" name was born when Chuck Norris kicked around an entire house.
Chuck Norris got a divorce and was asked to give half his assets and property away. Chuck Norris proceeded to chop the entire universe in half with his bare hands.
The Flash discovered how to run at the speed of light when he discovered Chuck Norris was looking for him.
When Chuck goes bowling he doesn't get every pin with a single bowl he gets every pin in the bowling alley.
The reason why people say it's pointless for Trump to build a wall is because Chuck Norris walks to Mexico and back once a month.
Ghosts tell Chuck Norris stories at the campfire.
Burger King made their slogan "Have it your way" when Chuck Norris walked into their restaurant.
Chuck Norris mines bitcoin with a pen and paper.
When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
Tornados don't exist, Chuck Norris just really doesn't like trailer parks.
Chuck Norris was born May 6th 1945.
The Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945, this is not a coincidence.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity more than once.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug on his lounge floor.
The bear is still alive, it is just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris doesn't go to the gym, instead he goes shop lifting.
If Chuck Norris was on The Titanic the iceberg would have dodged the ship.
Chuck Norris is able to make other people walk in his sleep.
Somebody asked Chuck Norris how many press ups he could do, Chuck Norris replied "all of them".
Chuck Norris once raced the earth around the sun and won by three years.
Chuck Norris was asked to fire someone once, that is how hell was invented.
When Chuck Norris jumps on the Tempur-Pedic mattress, the wine glass falls over.
When Chuck Norris was a child at school, his teachers would raise their hands in order to talk to him.
When Chuck Norris's parents had nightmares, they would come to his bedroom.
When Chuck Norris crosses the road, vehicles look both ways.
Chuck Norris doesn't pop his collar, his shirts are stimulated from touching his shoulders.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 100 men, after that the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris was able to smell a gas leak before they added the scent to gas.
Chuck Norris has a diary, it is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.
Hi there, I heard that you are a huge fan of When Chuck Norris does push ups the earth moves, we call this phenomenon an earthquakes.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to season his meat.
Chuck Norris is able to sketch your portrait using an eraser.
The dinosaurs once looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way, that is why we no longer have dinosaurs.
Chuck Norris had a staring competition with the sun and won.
Chuck Norris wears a fanny pack and everyone else looks gay.
Chuck Norris once spun a ball on his finger, to this day planet earth continues to turn.
Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees, he just pushed them over and walks over them.
Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, they are now just called "The Islands".
Chuck Norris doesn't need to wear a watch, he simply decides what time it is.
For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.
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