Keep Laughing Forever with these hilariously Funny Food Jokes!

I just burned 2000 calories.

That is the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

How does Moses make tea?

He brews

 

 

My sister bet me that I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.

You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink

Turns out it was the fridge

Q: Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple?

A: Because it tasted better than Adam's banana.

 

 

 

Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato?

A: Lettuce get together!

 

 

 

Q: What did the Egg say to the boiling water?

A: It's going to take a little while to get me hard I just got layed by some chick! 

 

 

Q: Why did the students eat their homework?

A: Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.

 

 

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?

A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

 

 

 

Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?

A: Because they cantaloupe.

 

 

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?

A: Because it was soda pressing.

Q: What do you call the king of vegetables?

A: Elvis Parsley.

 

 

 

Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden

A: Seizure salad

 

 

 

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

 

 

 

Q: "What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?"

A: "I want you inside me!"

 

 

 

Q: What happens if life gives you melons?

A: Your dyslexic

 

 

 

Q: What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig?

A: Pulled-Pork

 

 

 

Q: Why are men like coffee?

A: The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!

 

 

 

Q: "What do tofu and a dildo have in common?"

A: "They are both meat substitutes!"

 

 

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Apparently you can't use "beefstew" as a password

It's not stroganoff.