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The Best And Worst Anti Jokes
What Is An Anti-Joke?
An anti-joke is like a magician who instead of rabbits and cards, pulls out a stick of celery and a copy of the phone book. It's unexpected, confusing, and absolutely hilarious... unless you were expecting a punchline, then it's just confusing. Imagine expecting a knock-knock joke and instead getting a lecture on the history of door hinges. That's an anti-joke, and it's kind of like a prank played on your funny bone. Read on and enjoy these terrible or terribly funny "anti-jokes" depending on which side of the fence you sit on!
Why are T-Rex's unable to clap their hands?
Because they are extinct.
What begins with "f" and ends with "uck"
Incorrect. What begins with "w" and ends with "hat".
I'm on a seafood diet.
It is going to be really tough for me, I lost a bet to a friend and the problem is I am a vegetarian.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replies "What, you have a drink called Steve?"
What is red and extremely bad for your teeth?
A flying brick.
What did number 7 say to number 9?
Nothing, numbers don't talk.
What is the funniest of all anti jokes?
Definitely not this one.
What ended after 1984?
1985.
What did the American guy say to the other American guy?
Hi there, my name is also Guy.
A group of ducks flew overhead in a V formation.
Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?
It has more ducks.
What did one German man say to the other German man?
I have no idea, I can't speak German.
What do you call a talking turtle?
A cartoon.
What do you call a carwash that won't wash cars anymore?
Broken.
What is the best part about Switzerland?
Personally I love the beautiful mountains and scenery.
If you took every in the unemployment line and laid them all head to toe, they would all be a lot more comfortable.
What is brown and sticky?
Mud.
What is the opposite of a country water well?
A metropolitan sewer pipe.
What did Batman say to Robin before he got into the batmobile?
Robin! Get in the batmobile!
There are only 2 types of people in this world.
Those that invert the y-axis and those that don't.
Take my wife now please!
We have run out of gas and she is late for work.
What is a birds favourite social media to use?
None of them, birds don't use computers.
An apple a day
Is extremely poor form if you sell apples for a living.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was most likely to eat some seeds or lay an egg. Chickens are pretty boring animals and don't tend to do much else.
My wife said that she would divorce me if I continued to play numerous board games everyday.
It is really weighing me down and I'm not sure how to fix this.
What do you call someone who counts all of the boxes of pencils at the pencil factory?
A warehouse manager.
How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, unless they require assistance for some reason.
What happens when you pass your drivers test?
You don't fail it.
Hey there, if you are reading this...
You are definitely literate.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A dog with no legs.
A man walks into a bar, another man walks into the bar. Many people are walking into the bar.
It is a great night for business.
Why did the man put hot water in the freezer?
because he wanted to make ice cubes for his guests drinks.
A man died after eating 300 hot dogs.
Don't eat 300 hot dogs.
What do you call a blonde attending cooking school?
I know one called Barbara, she is doing really well and one day I am sure she will be a successful chef.
A bartender walks into a bar, he was off to work for the night.
I am not from an English speaking country.
Because countries are unable to speak.
Shrek walks into a bar.
Just kidding, Shrek is a fictional character.
A blonde walks into church to confess a sin to the church priest.
Unfortunately he is away for the day so the blonde must return again tomorrow.
Why did the blonde lady have trouble driving at night.
She had an issue with her current pair of glasses, she will get them fixed this week though.
A man stumbles upon an old lamp in a cave.
He turns it on so he can see where he is going.
What has 2 thumbs and won't crap?
Me because I am constipated.
I like my coffee like I like my coffee.
Coffee.
What do you get when you cross a sheep with a turtle?
Nothing, those 2 animals are unable to cross breed.
What do you call a ladybug that is a man?
A ladybug.
What is the hardest thing about cooking vegetables?
Absolutely nothing! Stop making excuses and start eating your greens.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
It is a delivery of flowers and chocolate to cheer you up.
What is the best way not to die?
Live
My girlfriend asked me what she should do if she gets rear ended.
I told her to ensure her insurance payments are up to date and possibly install a towbar for protection.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "why the long face?"
The horse, is in no mood for conversation, he promptly turns around and leaves without a word.
The bar manager, sees the entire incident and calls the bartender into his office to have a frank and unpleasant discussion about the bartender's future employment at the establishment.
A duck walks into a bar.
The appropriate authorities are called and the duck is released into a nearby park.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
What is blue and looks like a couch?
My couch.
What do you call a cat that is drinking?
A cat.
What is the worst time to get a haircut?
When you don't want a haircut.
What is chewy, rare and really hard to find?
"Red Skins" are a chewy candy candy in Australia that were discontinued after the George Floyd incident. The candys will still be sold but under a different name now.
Why did the tomato turn red?
Because it was ripe and ready to be picked.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile?
"Robin, get in the batmobile".
Do you know how old I was around 9-11?
9-11.
What didWhy did the chicken cross the road?
I'm not not entirely sure, but chickens tend to travel in random directions sometimes with no real intention.
What is pink, rare and difficult to eat?
Raw pork meat.
I made a list of my favorite anti-jokes. The first 10 are great but the last one is gold.
01) great
02) great
03) great
04) great
05) great
06) great
07) great
08) great
09) great
10) great
11) gold
Why did the chicken cross the road? (punchline is different)
Different
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