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Funny Jokes And Puns About Cows And Milk

Funny Cow With Tongue Out

Cow Jokes And Puns




Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side

What happened when the cow tried to jump the new barbed wire fence the farmer built?

Udder destruction.





What do you call a mother cow who has just given birth?




How did the dairy farmer locate his missing cow?

He tractor down.





Why did the cow have no toes?

Because he was lack toes intolerant.





Did you hear about the breed of cows that are unable to stop laughing?

Apparently they are a laughing stock.





Where do you find cows who are having a really bad day?






What do you call a cow who has no ears?

It doesn't matter, it is never going to hear you.




What do you call a cow on a diet?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.




Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horn do not work.



What does a field mouse and a pile of grass have in common.

The cat'll eat it. (The cattle eat it)

Where do cow farts come from?

The dairy air.





Why was the cow afraid of everyone and everything?

She was a cow-herd.

What has 4 legs and goes boo?

A cow with a cold.




What did everyone call the cows husband who just slept all day?






Did you hear about the new cow version of the latest Will Smith movie?

Bad cows, bad cows, watcha gonna moo?





Two cows are out and having a nice day eating grass on the farm when one says to the other one "are you not worried about the mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow replies, "of course I am not worried, I am a field mouse".




At first I was really worried about my ex wife when we split up. But I then heard that she was with an Indian dude and I knew she would be ok. Apparently Indians worship cows.






Did you hear about the talented cow that could play the guitar?

She was quite the moo-sician.




​Why are cows so good at maths?

They have a built in cowculator.


What do you call a cow that gets absolutely everything wrong?

A mis-steak




Why was the cow arrested for jumping over the moon?

Because it broke the law of physics.




What do you call a cow that can't stop shaking?

A beef jerky

Two dairy cows are beside one another in a field.

Cow 1: "I was artificially impregnated this afternoon."

Cow 2: "Look buddy, I just don't believe you"

Cow 1: "It really is true, straight up, no bull!"

How do cows keep tabs on one another?

By reading the moos-paper.

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other "what do you think about the mad cow disease?"

The other cow responds "Why should I care? I'm a helicopter."




What did the mother cow say to her baby cow late at night?

"It is whey pasture bedtime."

Where do cows take each other on a dates?

To the moo-vies

What was the name of the cow who sat at the round table?

Sir Loin

What do you get when you cross a smurf with a cow?

Blue cheese.

Why wouldn't the 2 cows talk to each other?

They had beef with each other.

How do you get a dairy farmer girl to like you?

A tractor.

What kind of magazines do cows like?





Which country do cows come from?


A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does He save, The man or the cow? Neither. He isn’t strong enough to lift either of them.

Two guys were playing cards and smoking a joint.

That's right, the stakes were really high.

Funny Cartoon Milk Joke

Milk Jokes And Puns

Where do Russians get their milk from?

From moss-cows.

Why do cows never have any money?

Because the farmer milks them dry.

Why did the cow become an astronaut?

Because she wanted to visit the milky way.

My wife keeps coming home with the wrong type of milk.

Turns out she is lactose incompetent.




Did you hear about the cow who just sprays her milk everywhere?

She is an udder failure.

What is the trickiest part about making skimmed milk?

Throwing a full grown cow across the lake.

Why do people love jokes about milk?

They are amoosing.




Did you hear the pun about the cow that jumped over the house?

It was legend-dairy

Me: Excuse me sir, thanks for the glass of milk you left me

Sperm bank worker: What glass of milk

Me: That glass of milk that was sitting on top of your desk

Sperm bank employee: Oh no!

Me: What's the matter

Sperm bank worker: That was my glass of milk that you drank



What kind of milk is it easy to bounce stones on?

Skim milk

What do you call a beverage that always gets in the way of everything?

Spoiled milk




Did you hear about the dairy cow in an earthquake?

It was a huge milkshake.

What kind of milk do you get from a midget cow?

Condensed milk.

Why do milking stools only have three legs?

The cow has the udder.

I was staying at my friends farm last weekend. I decided to do him a favour and got up early to milk the cow for him. When I returned with a bucket of milk and told him what I did he replied "we don't have a cow, we have a bull".

Why type of bees produce milk?

Boo Bees

Why did the farmer wear a peg on his nose when he milked his cow?

Because of the aroma from the dairy air.

I am jealous of my milk carton, it has a date and I don't.

Did you hear about the dairy cow that couldn't produce milk?

She was a milk dud

Did you enjoy our collection of cow  and milk jokes? we have udder jokes below!


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