Keep Laughing Forever With These Funny Cow Jokes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side

What happened when the cow tried to jump the new barbed wire fence the farmer built?

Udder destruction.

 

 

 

 

What do you call a mother cow who has just given birth?

De-calfinated.

 

 

 

What is the trickiest part about making skimmed milk?

Throwing a full grown cow across the lake.

 

 

 

How did the dairy farmer locate his missing cow?

He tractor down.

 

 

 

 

Why did the cow have no toes?

Because he was lack toes intolerant.

 

 

 

 

Did you hear about the breed of cows that can't stop laughing?

Apparently they are a laughing stock.

 

 

 

 

Where do you find cows who are having a really bad day?

McDonalds.

 

 

 

 

What do you call a cow who has no ears?

It doesn't matter, it is never going to hear you.

 

 

 

 

Did you hear about the cow who just sprays her milk everywhere?

She is an udder failure.

What do you call a cow on a diet?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

 

 

 

Why do cows wear bells around their necks?

Because their horn do not work.

 

 

 

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What does a field mouse and a pile of grass have in common.

The cat'll eat it. (The cattle eat it)

 

 

 

 

Why was the cow afraid of everyone and everything?

She was a cow-herd.

 

 

 

 

Why did the cow become an astronaut?

Because she wanted to visit the milky way.

 

 



What did everyone call the cows husband who just slept all day?

Bulldozer.

 

 

 

 

Did you hear about the new cow version of the latest Will Smith movie?

Bad cows, bad cows, watcha gonna moo?

 

 

 

 

Two cows are out and having a nice day eating grass on the farm when one says to the other one "are you not worried about the mad cow disease that is going around?" The second cow replies, "of course I am not worried, I am a field mouse".

 

 

 

At first I was really worried about my ex wife when we split up. But I then heard that she was with an Indian dude and I knew she would be ok. Apparently Indians worship cows.

 

 

 

 

 

Did you hear about the talented cow that could play the guitar?

She was quite the moo-sician.

 

 

 

 

 

Why do cows never have any money?

The farmer always milks them dry.

 

 

 

 

Why are cows so good at maths?

They have a built in cowculator.

 

What do you call a cow that gets absolutely everything wrong?

A mis-steak

 

 

 

What do you call a cow that can't stop shaking?

A beef jerky

Two dairy cows are beside one another in a field.

Cow 1: "I was artificially impregnated this afternoon."

Cow 2: "Look buddy, I just don't believe you"

Cow 1: "It really is true, straight up, no bull!"

How do cows keep tabs on one another?

By reading the moos-paper.

What did the mother cow say to her baby cow late at night?

"It is whey pasture bedtime."

Where do cows take each other on a dates?

To the moo-vies

Where do Russians get their milk from?

From moss-cows.

What was the name of the cow who sat at the round table?

Sir Loin

What do you get when you cross a smurf with a cow?

Blue cheese.

Why wouldn't the 2 cows talk to each other?

They had beef with each other.

Which country do cows come from?

Moo-Zealand.

A Man and a Cow are stuck on train tracks and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does He save, The man or the cow? Neither. He isn’t strong enough to lift either of them.

 

 

 

 

Hope you liked our collection of cow jokes, we have udder jokes below!

 

 

 

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