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Keep Laughing Forever With Our Funny Fish Jokes And Puns

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Alright, let's swim right into our funny fish jokes. Also get ready for some of the funniest fish puns that you have been herring about.

Why did batman stop taking Robin fishing?

He kept eating all the worms.

 

 

 

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

Why did Noah not bother fishing when he was on his arc?

Because he only had 2 worms to use as bait.

 

 

 

Where do fish keep their money?

In the riverbank.

How do religious fish always start off their prayers?

Dear cod.

What did the fish say when he hit the wall?

Damn.

 

 

 

 

Why did the fish get bad grades?

Because it was below sea level.

 

 

 

 

What do you call a fish with two legs?

A two-knee fish.

 

 

 

What do you call a fish with no legs?

A fish.

 

 

 

 

A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish "What can I get you?"

The little fish replies (gasping) "Water! I need water!"

 

 

2 Parrots are sitting on a perch.

One bird asks the other one "Does something smell a little fishy to you?"

 

 

A couple are swimming in the ocean when a pod of dolphins decide to join them.

The man turns to the woman and says "no fin is better than swimming with dolphins."

 

 

 

What do you get if you cross fishing tackle with an old smelly sock?

Hook, line and stinker.

Grandad and his grandson Billy are searching in the for fishing worms to use as bait. They are coming across many different insects but nothing suitable to use for bait until little Billy proudly holds up a long dangling insect.

Little Billy exclaims "I found some bait grandad".

Grandad responds "sorry Billy we can't use that. It is not an earthworm."

Little Billy replies "well what planet does it come from Grandad."

Where do goldfish love to travel?

Usually just around the globe.

 

 

 

What was the fish who was a huge Rick Astley fan singing?

Never gonna give you up! Never gonna let you drown! Never gonna swim around and splash you!

What did the man say when everyone was getting annoyed at his fish puns?

"I really should scale back."

 

 

 

Why don't fish like playing basket ball?

They are terrified of nets.

Q: Why did the fish blush?

A: Because it saw the ocean's bottom.

How many tickles will it takes to make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles.

Why are an octopuses arms called tentacles when there are only 8 of them.

 

 

 

A fish has been arrested and is standing in front of the jury in court.

The judge says to the jury "how do find the fish defendant"

A member of the jury stands up and says "we find the fish to be gill-ty"

What is the best music to listen to when you go fishing?

Something really catchy.

 

 

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?

I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand. (beatles reference)

 

Where do you find a fish in orbit?

Trouter space

2 fish are in a tank, one says to the other one "I'll drive, you can shoot the guns"

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?

Drop it a line

Which country do fish like to go for a vacation?

Finland

What did the pirate fish make the prisoner fish do?

Walk the plankton.

 

 

 

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna piano

What kind of fish eats mice?

A catfish

Why are dolphins smarter than humans?

In the space of 2 hours they can train a persons to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.

 

 

 

What day of the week do all fish dislike the most?

Fryday.

I sometimes just go fishing for the halibut!

What is the easiest way to catch a fish?

Have someone throw it to you.

What do you call two barracuda fish?

A pairacuda.

 

 

 

I used to look for shellfish at my local beach every day until one day when I pulled a mussel.

Did you hear about the brawl at the fish and chip shop?

Many fish were apparently battered!

 

 

 

It is a known fact that the swordfish is the best dressed animal in the ocean.

He always dresses sharp

What kind of music do fish love to rave to?

Drum and bass.

 

 

 

Why do fish always know how much they weigh?

They have their own built in set of scales.

 

 

 

Why did the dog jump from the boat into the ocean?

He thought he saw a catfish

I have always admired fishermen.

They are reel men.

What did the fish say to his friend who was acting extremely shy?

Stop being so koi.

 

 

 

Did you see the new film about fishing?

It has quite the cast.

 

 

 

What is Jaws favourite meal?

Fish n Ships.

 

 

 

Where are most fish found?

Between head and tail.

 

 

 

What is the best way to catch a fish on the internet?

Click bait.

 

 

 

A shark is teaching his kid how to hunt and eat humans

He says "look son, first you swim full speed at the human but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him fullspeed again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human."

The son looks confused and asks, "But dad, why don't we just go and eat the human the first time?"

Dad shark replies "Well, you can but they taste better if you scare the crap out of them first?"

 

 

 

 

Did you hear about the oyster that went to the ocean disco?

He pulled a mussel.

 

 

 

What tv show starring Charlie Sheen do all fish love?

Tuna-half men.

 

 

 

The crayfish had a girlfriend but then he lobster.

 

 

 

Son: "Have you ever seen a catfish dad?"

Dad: "I sure have"

Son: "How does it hold the rod".

 

 

 

Why did the vegan go along on the fishing trip?

Just for the halibut.

 

 

 

What is the most fun game for a family of fish to play?

Salmon says.

 

 

 

What did the fish say when he saw an old friend that that he hadn't seen in ages?

Long time no sea.

 

 

 

What did the fisherman say when he couldn't get the fish off his hook?

This fish is being a real pain in the bass.

What is all the fish's favourite boyband?

New squids on the block.

What do fish do when an emergency occurs?

The sea kelp.

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What do you call the soft tissue that lies between a sharks teeth?

A very slow swimmer

Does anyone out there know how long you are supposed to microwave those boil in bag fish that you win at the fair?

What do you call a fake koi fish?

A de koi

How do you spot a cinderella fish?

They have glass flippers

Check out these hilarious fishing fails below

Starfish Jokes

 

 

What do you call a starfish that is acting like a jerk?

A son of a beach

What do you call a fake starfish?

Star-ti-fish-ial

How do make a starfish turn all shiny?

Drop it in sparkling water.

Last night I saw a quintet of starfish last night at the bar,

Pretty good band, 5 stars.

How does a starfish make things explode?

With C-Floor explosives.

Question... Is a starfish really a starfish or just a really talented fish?

Knock knock

Who's there?

Interrupting Starfish

Interrupting Starfish wh...

*proceed to press your palm into their face*

I went to the pet store and purchased a starfish to be my new pet.

It was a no-brainer.

Which fish loves to swim at night time?

A starfish.

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Funny Fish Joke

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