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Funny Alligator and Crocodile Jokes
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What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
What do you call an alligator who is always wearing a vest?
What do you call an alligator who is wearing crocs on his feet?
What do you call an alligator who loves watering his plants?
What do you call an alligator that is always stirring up trouble?
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
What do you call a gator that works at the courthouse?
Egyptians claim that there are no crocodiles in Egypt.
I think they're in de nile.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
Alligators can grow up to fifteen feet.
They usually just grow 4 of them though.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Alligators can live up to 50 years, that is why there is a high chance that they will see you later.
What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
One will see you later, and one will see you in a while.
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
That's not a crocodile dundee movie reference.
This is a crocodile dundee movie reference.
What do you call a crocodile that keeps breaking the law?
I get a rash when I wear polo shirts with little crocodiles on them.
I am lacoste intolerant.
The crocodile hunter's "Steve Irwin" family is suing an Australian sunscreen company.
The sunscreen failed to protect him from harmful rays.
I went to the zoo the other day and saw an alligator that will only eat finely chopped food.
It was an alligrator.
Why do crocodiles from Egypt who are alcoholics never recover?
They get stuck in de Niel.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
Did you hear about the gator that became a muslim?
He was an Allah Gator.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Did you hear about the group of crocodiles that performed parody songs?
They were a pun croc band.
A stingray, a crocodile and a poisonous snake walk into a bar.
No joke here, it is just a normal day in Australia.
Did you here about the croc with a serious drug addiction?
It was a crackodile.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
An Irishman and a Scotsman are having a drink in a bar when the Scotsman says to the Irishman, "I hear you can make a lot of money by shooting crocodiles in Australia for crocodile skin shoes because they are worth a lot in the U.K." The Irishman thinks this sounds like a great idea so they head off to Australia together on a mission to make money.
They arrive in Australia, and decide to split up to cover more ground.
After a weeks hunting they meet up again, the Scotsman has a long face and says "I have had no luck, I didn't find a crocodile all week." The Irishman replies "Well I have shot about 50 crocodiles but none of them were wearing shoes."
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
What has 100 eyes and 2 teeth ?
A tour bus full of old people.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
How many limbs does an alligator have?
It all depends on what he ate for lunch, dinner and breakfast.
Who delivers the little crocodiles presents on December 25th?
What kind of croc hangs out in back passages around town?
What is the difference between a croc and a noisy dog?
One has a bite worse than his bark.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
Here are some really funny crocodile videos.