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Keep Laughing Forever with these Penguin Jokes And Penguin Puns

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What do penguins sing at their birthday parties?

Freeze a jolly good fellow.

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How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together.

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Where does a penguin keep all his money?

In the snow bank.

 

 

 

The other day a police officer pulls over a man driving a bus over and walks on up to the side windows and he sees 20 penguins in there.

The officer questions the man "sir, are these your penguins?"

The man replies "yep, they are my pet penguins"

The officer then says "sir, I am going to need you to take those penguins to the zoo immediately!"

The man says "ok" to the officer and he drives off towards the zoo.

The following day the officer pulls over the same bus and is shocked to see the same 20 penguins inside all wearing sunglasses.

The officer looks sternly at the driver and says "I thought I ordered you to take these penguins to the zoo?"

The man replies "I did, and today we are all going to the beach!"

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A local bartender was working late one friday night when a patron comes running through the door.

Patron: "HELP! I need to know how tall a penguin is!"

The bartender puts out his hand and says "probably this tall"

The patron looks terribly concerned and he says "Oh no! I think I just ran over a nun!"

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A penguin walks into a chemist and requests to purchase a pack of condoms.

The chemist asks him "Would you like me to put that on your bill?"

The penguin replies "I'm not that kind of penguin"

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A penguin was driving his car one hot summers day when it suddenly breaks down.

He takes it to the nearest mechanic to get it fixed. The mechanic says "I'm sorry but it is going to take 2 hours to repair it".

The penguin is really hot so asks the mechanic if there is a place nearby where he might be able to cool off.

The mechanic says "yes, there is an ice cream cafe 100 metres up the road there".

The penguin thanks him and waddles on up to the ice cream parlour to enjoy a nice big vanilla flavoured ice cream.

After enjoying his ice cream he waddles back to see the mechanic who says to him "Hey there, it looks like you have blown a seal"

The penguin replies "No no no, it is just vanilla ice cream"

 

Note: If you got this "blew a seal joke", you have a dirty mind ;)

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What is black and white and goes around and around?

A penguin who is stuck in a revolving door.

 

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What is a penguins favourite food to have for dinner?

Iceburgers.

 

 

 

What do Penguins like to wear on the heads?

Ice caps.

 

 

 

Why do penguins always come first when they race other animals?

Because they are peng-wins!

 

 

 

Why is it so hard to write a book on penguins?

Because they always squirm, are kind of slippery and writing a book on paper is much easier.

 

 

 

Why is it best for 2 penguins who are stuck in a nest to always be nice and respectful to one another?

They don't want to fall out.

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Who is every penguin's favourite musical artists?

Seal. They also enjoy sole music.

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Which fish do penguins eat late at night time?

Starfish

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How does a penguin cook burgers?

With his flippers.

 

 

 

Why couldn't the penguin jump off of the tall iceberg?

He got cold feet.

 

 

 

Whenever I meet new people I always start talking about my fat pet penguin.

It is an excellent ice breaker.

 

 

 

What do you call a penguin that has no eyes?

Pengun.

 

 

 

Why do you never see a penguin in the UK?

They don't like getting too close to wales.

 

 

 

Which of the penguins relatives always gets the most visitors?

Aunt Arctica.

 

 

 

Why wouldn't one penguin speak to the other penguin?

He was giving him the cold shoulder.

 

 

 

What did Mr Morgan Freeman have to say when a bunch of penguins told him that they thought he was a great narrator in March of the Penguins?

Morgan: "What was I doing narrating if Penguins are able to speak?"

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What is black, white and red all over? (multiple answers)

A penguin with chicken pox

A very embarrassed penguin

A sunburnt penguin

A newspaper

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What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?

A penguin falling down a hill.

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Why do penguins always carry their fish in their beaks?

Because they don't have any pockets.

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