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Christmas Cracker Jokes 2024
(scroll down for Christmas Jokes or pick another category instead)
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Kim and Kanye West's breakup was all because of a misunderstanding. Things started going downhill on Christmas Eve when Kim called him a bad wrapper.
Did you hear about the guy who went to court for stealing an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
Why don't Santas helpers require any training?
They are elf taught.
I took my car to the mechanics because it was making a terrible noise.
He removed the Mariah Carey CD and now the car is fine.
Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?
Because they are rain-deer.
Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?
He had low elf esteem.
Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?
They always drop their needles.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?
Frostbite
What did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?
It's Christmas Eve!
What is the greatest gift that you can give someone for Christmas?
A broken drum, you really can't beat it.
Why does Santa sometimes visit the liquor store?
So he can stock up on the Christmas spirit.
What is the first thing that an elf learns in school?
The elf-abet.
What nationalty is Santa?
North polish.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots.
Which of Santas reindeer is always sneaking off to the club to party?
Dancer.
Why is Santa no longer allowed to enter houses through the chimney?
Carbon footprints.
Why does Father Christmas have 3 gardens?
So he is able to ho ho ho.
Why does Darth Vader always burn his Christmas ham?
He prefers it on the dark side.
Why was the Christmas turkey able to cross the road?
Because he wasn't a chicken.
What does Mowgli listen to at Christmas time?
Jungle bells.
What are mexican Christmas sweaters made from?
Fleece Navidad.
What did all of the elves give Father Christmas after he had another successful CHristmas?
A round of Santapplause.
What is Santas cat called?
Santa Claws.
What fell down at the North Pole but didn't break?
Snow.
How did Yoda know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas?
He felt his presents.
Why are Santas elves safe if they have an accident at work?
They all have private elf care.
What do you call a snowman that has a six pack stomach?
The abdominal snowman.
Which pop artist do the reindeer like to listen to when it isn't Christmas time?
Beyon-sleigh.
Which artist do the elves listen to in the off season?
Elvish Prestley.
What does Santa give to his elves that are not productive enough?
The sack.
One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”
His wife asked, “How do you know?”
“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
I figured it out because Santa never wanted milk and cookies at my house. He just wanted shots of tequila... And then Christmas morning dad was always in a bad mood...
What do most snowmen usually wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
What do you call a really funny Christmas joke about a duck?
A Christmas quacker.
How is Eminem like a Christmas Elf?
He is a master at wrapping.
Why is it so difficult to locate an advent calendar nowadays?
Their days are numbered.
Can you please stop asking for the perfect man, I was almost kidnapped 3 times by little elves today.
I don't care how old I get, if I see a sign on a toy in the store that says "try me", you better believe that I am pushing those buttons.
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