Redneck Jokes 2021

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Redneck

 

 

You might be a redneck if your dad walks you to school because he is in the same grade as you.

 

 

 

 

What do you get when you put the entire Kansas City cheerleading team in one room?

A full set of teeth.

 

 

 

Cletus and Billy Bob are walking down the road when they see a dog licking his privates. Cletus sighs and says to his friend Billy Bob "Jeez, I wish I was able to do that."

Billy Bob looks confused, stares at the dog then at turns to Cletus and says "well Cletus, you can go ahead and try, but I bet he will probably bite you."

 

 

 

 

 

What did Cletus's girlfriend say when she broke up with him?

Don't worry, we can still be cousins.

 

 

What do Rednecks call fast food?

Driving your truck over a squirrel at 70mph.

 

 

 

You know you are a redneck when you have more dogs in your backyard than the local animal shelter has.

 

 

 

What is the best five years of a Rednecks life?

4th grade.

 

 

 

They had to raise the minimum drinking age in Kansas City to 35. The authorities are trying to keep alcohol out of the junior schools.

 

 

 

How can you tell that you are staying in a redneck motel?

When you call reception and say "I've got a leak in my sink" and they reply with "sure, go ahead".

 

 

 


Why are all Redneck murders so tricky to solve?

All of the DNA records match and there are zero dental records.

 

 

 

Where was the toothbrush invented?

West Virginia, everywhere else they have a teethbrush.

 

 

 

How can you tell if a redneck female is a virgin?

She is able to run faster than her brothers and cousins.

 

 

 

Cletus was glad that his sisters abortion went well, but at the same time he was really looking forward to being a father.

 

 

 

What do Rednecks and yeast have in common?

They are both in bread.

 

 

 

Riddle- If a Redneck couple get divorced, are they still cousins?

A man walks into a bar and announces, "Today I heard a great redneck joke!" A MASSIVE guy stands up off of his seat and says, "Wait a minute there man". Before you go on and tell that joke, I'm Billy Bob. I'm 6 foot 5 and weigh 260 pounds, all muscle and I am a proud redneck. See that fella over there? He is a professional boxer, and he's a redneck too. And the guy behind the bar has a shotgun next to the cash register and he is a proud redneck, too. Now, you really want to tell that joke?"

The man who walked into the bar says, "Nah. I don't want to have to explain it three different times."

A young Redneck man walks into a bar and orders a bud. The bartender says "you got any I.D son?

The young Redneck replies "any idea about what?"

What did the redneck do when he saw a sign that said "just say no to crack"?

He pulled his pants up.

Billy bob was at the bar when he overheard some say "that is a recipe for disaster". Billy bob turns around and says to the man "how do you know about my wifes stew?".

You may be a redneck if your girlfriend has over 6 piercings and you can't see any of them.

You may be a redneck if the only times you see you friends on tv is either on Jerry Springer or in a police pursuit chase.

What is 40 foot long and has 19 teeth?

A bus full of rednecks.

What did one redneck child say to the other redneck child?

"Do you think I should tell my parents that I am adopted?"

Cletus heads in to see his doctor because he has a serious health concern.

He walks in to his doctors office and says "Doctor doctor, I am really worried, I accidentally swallowed an ice cube last week and I haven't seen it since."

What is the toughest part about being a redneck child at Christmas time?

You only have one set of grandparents to receive gifts from.

What is the easiest way to tell that a redneck is married?

There are tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.

Why do you hardly ever see a sick redneck person?

Viruses have there standards too.

You may be a redneck if

 

 

your girlfriend has over 6 piercings and you can't see any of them.

​if the only times you see you friends on tv is either on Jerry Springer or in a police pursuit chase.

You finally get to cutting the grass and find a car.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

Your family tree is just one long trunk with no branches.

Your grotty beard attracts birds.

You only remove your toothpick for wedding pictures.

When the supermarket is closed you try to run animals over.

You think that a rat trap is a perfectly normal gift.

Going to the toilet at night time results in muddy boots.

People hear that you are driving your car a very long time before they actually see you.

You have some lard on your bedside table.

You had to remove the back seat of your truck so that all your children are able to fit inside.

Fifth grade is senior year.

You have a nasty fall and the only thing you manage to save is your beer.

When you go to the dump you come back with more stuff than you left with.

They banned you from the zoo because you distress the monkeys.

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