Keep Laughing Forever With These Donald Trump Jokes!

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Donald Trump One-Liner Jokes

What is the fastest way to get Trump to change a light bulb?

Tell him Obama installed it.

Last night there was an accident and Trump's personal library burnt down.

This is a huge catastrophe because BOTH of his books were lost, and he had only coloured in one of them so far.

Why is Trump unable to be hanged for treason?

Fake noose.

What condition does Trump take his anti-anxiety medication for?

Hispanic attacks.

Why did Trump get absolutely soaked when he was travelling down the river?

Fake canoes

How much does it cost to keep Donald Trump alive?

One Pence.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a kidney bean?

Donald Trump has never paid more to have a kidney bean on his face.

 

 

 

There’s a term for a president like Donald Trump, probably not a second though.

Why do Republicans continue to support Trump?

Because they really believe in taking a baby to full term

How does Donald Trump play darts?

He throws darts and then proceeds to draw the targets around them afterwards.

 

 

 

 

At a very important large gathering, the Pope whispers to Donald Trump "I bet you $100 that with one wave of my hand I can make the crowd go ecstatic. It will be a celebration like you have never seen before Mr Trump".

Trump replies "I don't think so, one wave of your hand? I will be more than happy to take your $100. Now Show me!"

The Pope proceeds to slap him and the crowd goes bananas!

 

 

 

 

 

"Did your hear how Trump responded when he was questioned about how to deal with Hurricane Florence ?"

"Pay her the same as Stormy Daniels!"

 

 

Abraham Lincoln couldn't tell a lie.

Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.

Donald Trump can't tell the difference.

 

 

 

 

Trump Knock Knock Jokes

 

Knock Knock

Who is there?

Ray

Ray who?

Ray Sist, but my buddies call me Donald Trump

Knock knock

Who is there?

No way Jose.

No way Jose who?

No way Jose is climbing over my wall

 

 

Longer Donald Trump Jokes

 

Trump gets up one morning, he heads out to his backyard and starts collecting various random stones...

He holds up a stone, and he inspects it all over, he then throws the stone back in the garden and then proceeds to go and find another one.

This continues for a few days until his fellow cabinet members start to get nervous. Pence decides to give Putin a phone call to see if he is able to help them out.

"Hey Vlad! Mike Pence here. We have a little bit of a problem here..."

He tells Putin what is going on who says "rest easy Mike, I will look into this for you".

Ten minutes later Putin calls Mike Pence back.

"He should return to normal now. We accidentally sent him our latest Lunar Lander instructions."

A group of Scientists are running an experiment on the human brain. They are trying to figure out how well a human brain can function when it is missing various sections.

They start off by cutting out half of the first subjects brain and then ask him to count to 10. The subject replies "one, five, seven, ten".

The scientists are intrigued by this. They decide to cut out the entire brain this time and once again ask the subject to count to ten.

the subject replies "I can count to ten, I'm the best at counting in the world, I have the best numbers, the news is fake when they disagree with me, I think, people, when they think about good numbers, I can count, with any numbers, all the time, better than China, better than anyone."

 

 

 

 

Trump is out for dinner at a French restaurant with Putin.

The waiter asks Putin what he would like to order.

"I will have the chicken," says Putin.

The waiter replies, "And for your vegetable?"

"He will also have the chicken."

A shopper in L.A notices a Mexican bookstore.

They decide to go in because they have never come across a Mexican book store before.

They walk around the shop for a while looking at all the books and then finally ask the shop assistant, "Do you have that book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?".

The shop assistant looks upset and says, "Get out, and stay out!!" .

The shopper replies, "Yes, that is the one!"

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