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Keep Laughing Forever With These Donald Trump Jokes!
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Donald Trump One-Liner Jokes
What does Trump's wife Melania see in her husband?
A truckload of money, high cholesterol and Covid-19
Thoughts and prayers are with Covid-19 for having to hang out with Trump.
What is Trump's favourite TV series?
Orange is The New Black
What is the fastest way to get Trump to change a light bulb?
Tell him Obama installed it.
Last night there was an accident and Trump's personal library burnt down.
This is a huge catastrophe because BOTH of his books were lost, and he had only coloured in one of them so far.
Why is Trump unable to be hanged for treason?
Fake noose.
What condition does Trump take his anti-anxiety medication for?
Hispanic attacks.
Why did Trump get absolutely soaked when he was travelling down the river?
Fake canoes
How much does it cost to keep Donald Trump alive?
One Pence.
What's the difference between a chickpea and a kidney bean?
Donald Trump has never paid more to have a kidney bean on his face.
There’s a term for a president like Donald Trump, probably not a second though.
Why do Republicans continue to support Trump?
Because they really believe in taking a baby to full term
How does Donald Trump play darts?
He throws darts and then proceeds to draw the targets around them afterwards.
At a very important large gathering, the Pope whispers to Donald Trump "I bet you $100 that with one wave of my hand I can make the crowd go ecstatic. It will be a celebration like you have never seen before Mr Trump".
Trump replies "I don't think so, one wave of your hand? I will be more than happy to take your $100. Now Show me!"
The Pope proceeds to slap him and the crowd goes bananas!
"Did your hear how Trump responded when he was questioned about how to deal with Hurricane Florence ?"
"Pay her the same as Stormy Daniels!"
Abraham Lincoln couldn't tell a lie.
Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth.
Donald Trump can't tell the difference.
Why should you never cross Trump?
There is hell toupee
Racial minorities can play the race card, females can play the equal opportunity card, what can redneck trailer trash folk play?
The Trump card.
What is Trump's secret agenda?
To "Make America Hate Again
Why does Trump like to be seen in public with his wife Melania?
Because all of his other wives support Joe Biden.
What was Trump's biggest challenge when he was elected President?
Finding a cabinet position for his hair piece.
What is the song "Kokomo" by The Beach Boys about?
The various locations of Trump's bank accounts.
How does Trump plan of getting rid of the Mexican's in America?
Juan by Juan.
What did the Redneck community of America say to Trump?
You are hired.
What did Trump say when he heard a Mexican man wanted to be an American Fireman?
No way Hose A.
What do you see when you look deep into the eyes of Donald Trump?
The back of his skull.
Which Disney character loves Trump the most?
Snow White Supremacist.
Why does Trump always store a potato in his underpants?
He wants to be USA's first dictator.
What is Trump's favorite nation of all?
Discrimination.
If Trump had sense of humour, he would die of laughter every time he looked in the mirror.
Trump Knock Knock Jokes
Knock Knock
Who is there?
Ray
Ray who?
Ray Sist, but my buddies call me Donald Trump
Knock knock
Who is there?
No way Jose.
No way Jose who?
No way Jose is climbing over my wall
Longer Donald Trump Jokes
Trump gets up one morning, he heads out to his backyard and starts collecting various random stones...
He holds up a stone, and he inspects it all over, he then throws the stone back in the garden and then proceeds to go and find another one.
This continues for a few days until his fellow cabinet members start to get nervous. Pence decides to give Putin a phone call to see if he is able to help them out.
"Hey Vlad! Mike Pence here. We have a little bit of a problem here..."
He tells Putin what is going on who says "rest easy Mike, I will look into this for you".
Ten minutes later Putin calls Mike Pence back.
"He should return to normal now. We accidentally sent him our latest Lunar Lander instructions."
A group of Scientists are running an experiment on the human brain. They are trying to figure out how well a human brain can function when it is missing various sections.
They start off by cutting out half of the first subjects brain and then ask him to count to 10. The subject replies "one, five, seven, ten".
The scientists are intrigued by this. They decide to cut out the entire brain this time and once again ask the subject to count to ten.
the subject replies "I can count to ten, I'm the best at counting in the world, I have the best numbers, the news is fake when they disagree with me, I think, people, when they think about good numbers, I can count, with any numbers, all the time, better than China, better than anyone."
Trump is out for dinner at a French restaurant with Putin.
The waiter asks Putin what he would like to order.
"I will have the chicken," says Putin.
The waiter replies, "And for your vegetable?"
"He will also have the chicken."
A shopper in L.A notices a Mexican bookstore.
They decide to go in because they have never come across a Mexican book store before.
They walk around the shop for a while looking at all the books and then finally ask the shop assistant, "Do you have that book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?".
The shop assistant looks upset and says, "Get out, and stay out!!" .
The shopper replies, "Yes, that is the one!"
If you haven't seen the Trump vs Talking Heads video, we recommend you watch it below. It is brilliant!
Funny Jokes Made By Donald Trump, Intentionally And Unintentionally
"It's freezing and snowing in New York, we need global warming"
Trump likes to tweet about the weather and global warming. Apparently we need global warming!
"she does have a very nice figure. I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her" - USA Today
It is a shame that Ivanka is Trump's daughter, otherwise he could date her.
"I look very much forward to showing my financials. Because they are huge" - TIME
Huge financials? Unsure what this means exactly but Trumps financials are huge! I am guessing over 1000 pages or even more.
"Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?" - Washington Post
There is nothing worse than having people from shithole countries come to visit. Unsure what constitutes a shithole country but Trump sure isn't a fan of them.
Trump's thoughts on using a breast pump for breastfeeding "disgusting" - Mercury News
Well, it isn't exactly sexy but pretty sure that feeding your baby is far from "disgusting"?
“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?” - CBS
Apparently you have to have the Karma Sutra down pat before you can do a good job at being president of the USA. You learn something new every day.
"I think apologizing's a great thing, but you have to be wrong. I will absolutely apologize sometime, hopefully in the distant future, if I'm ever wrong" - CBS
Trump hasn't been wrong yet, but he will let us all know if he is. What a champ.
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