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Keep Laughing Forever With These Accountant Jokes!

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Accountant at Work

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He just couldn't budget.





A banker, a mathematician and an accountant all go for a job interview. The interviewer asks them all to individually calculate 1+1.

The banker answers first "2 of course"

The mathematician answers second "simple, the answer is 2"

The accountant then stands up, shuts the door and says to the interviewer "what do you need it to be?"





Why did the accountant have to go to drug rehab?

Solvency abuse





Why did the accountant have an accident in his pants?

He lacked internal controls.





How many Auditors does it take to scre in a lightbulb?

I'm not too sure, how many did we use last year?





What is an accountants favourite thing about holidays?

There is way less traffic on the way to work.





An accountant man marries a banker woman and everything is going great at first however ever after a little while they sart to argue about small things.

They seek help from a marriage counsellor who tells them to reconcile their differences.






How did the auditor propose to his girlfriend?

With an engagement letter.





What is the difference between a lawyer and an accountant?

The accountant is aware that he is dull and boring.





Why did the accountant fall over?

His balance was off.





What is a failsafe form of birth control for an accountant?

Their personality.





Jokes about accountants are accrual things to tell.





My friend lost their job as a psychic.

They didn't see that one coming did they.

Did you hear the story about the interesting accountant?

Neither did I.

Why did the cannibal accountant get arrested?

He kept buttering up all his clients.

What is an accountants favourite place to take cover?

In a tax shelter.

Why do accountants love Saturdays and Sundays?

They get to wear their casual clothes to work.





Why did the accountant fall to the ground?

He lost his balance.

Why do accountants never wet their pants?

Because they have strong internal controls.

What do you call an accountant who doesn't have a calculator?

Lost and lonely.

How did the accountant figure out what Father Christmas's workshop was worth?

Net present value.

Did you hear about the new motto for accountants?

Be audit you can be.

A lady goes and sees her doctor who advises her that she only has 30 days left to live.
The woman is extremely upset and crying, she eventually asks him “What should I do doc?”
“I recommend that you marry and start living with an accountant” says the doctor.
“Why?” says the woman. “Will that cure me or something?”
He replies “Nope, but it might seem like 30 years.”

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