Funny Doctor Doctor Jokes

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Doctor, doctor! Everyone thinks I am a liar.

Dr: I find that hard to believe.

Doctor, doctor! I think I am a dog!

Dr: "Have a seat and we can talk"

But I am not allowed on the couch.

Doctor, doctor! I just swallowed a roll of film

Dr: "Lie down on the bed here and let's see how this develops"

Doctor! doctor! I feel like a bridge!

Dr: "What has come over you?"

So far, 6 buses, 3 trucks and 25 cars.

Doctor, doctor! I think I am a house curtain.

Dr: "Just relax and pull yourself together"

Doctor, doctor! I think I am a telephone.

Dr: "Take these pills and if you still don't feel any better, give me a ring."

Doctor, doctor! Can't you see I'm burning burning!

(sung to the Thompson Twins song)

Doctor! Doctor! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam.

I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam

Dr: "relax sir, you're two tents"

Doctor!, doctor! I have a lettuce stuck in my bum.

Dr: "It appears that this is just the tip of the iceberg"

Doctor! doctor! i have double vision, I am seeing two of everything.

Dr: "Take a seat on the chair there"

Which one?

Doctor! doctor! Have you got anything for my liver?

Dr: "Here is a bag of onions"

Doctor! doctor! Have you got anything for a really bad headache?

Dr: "Sure, here is a hammer. Smack yourself in the forehead with it and you will have a really bad headache guaranteed"

Doctor! doctor! My daughter thinks that she is a refrigerator.

Dr: "Leave her alone for a few days, she wants to chill out"

Doctor! doctor! How am I supposed to stop my nose from running?

Dr: "Try sticking out your leg to trip it up"

Doctor! doctor! How is that kid that swallowed a quarter?

Dr: "No change as of yet"

Doctor! doctor! I can't seem to get to sleep.

Dr: "Lie on the very edge of the bed, you will drop off soon enough"

Doctor! doctor! I am constantly auditioning people. Is there anything you can do to help me? Perhaps a little song or a number on the piano?

Doctor! doctor! I am unable to stop playing scrabble.

Dr: "My word!"

Doctor! doctor! I feel as if everyone and everything is up against me.

Dr: "Would it help if we moved to a bigger surgery?"

Doctor! doctor! I am feeling funny today. What do you recommend I do?

Dr: "Maybe give stand up comedy a shot."

Doctor! doctor! I feel like a 20 dollar note!

Dr: "Try going shopping, the change will do you good."

Doctor! doctor! I feel like a snooker ball.

Dr: "I suggest you get to the back of the queue."

Doctor! doctor! I think I am a small bucket.

Dr: "Well, you are looking a little pale."

Doctor! doctor! I feel like chopped up carrots.

Dr: "Now don't go getting yourself in a stew"

Doctor! doctor! I feel like a cat.

Dr: "Well what are you doing here? Go down the road to the vet."

Doctor! doctor! I think I am a pack of cards.

Dr: "Get up on the table so I can deal with you."

Doctor! doctor! I feel like a sewing machine.

Dr: "Would you like the nurse to give you some stitches?"

Doctor! doctor! I think I am a spoon.

Dr "Take a seat in the waiting room but don't do any stirring."

Doctor!! doctor! I feel like a house window.

Dr: "Show me where the pane is."

Doctor! doctor! I feel run down.

Dr: "I suggest you be more careful when crossing the road"

Doctor! doctor! My toes are on the wrong feet.

Dr: "Looks like a classic case of mix-ama-toes-sis"

Doctor! doctor! I am unable to keep track of time.

Dr: "Yes, your appointment is in 3 days time"

Doctor! doctor! I just swallowed a harmonica.

Dr: "Consider yourself lucky that you don't play the guitar"

Doctor! doctor! I keep dreaming that there are scary aliens playing monopoly under my bed. What should I do?

Dr: "Hide the monopoly"

My doctor reckons that I am paranoid. He didn't say it but I could tell that he was thinking it.

Funny doctor jokes bring a smile to your face and show us the gentle and humorous side of healthcare workers in their daily lives. To pay tribute to healthcare workers who steadfastly protect public health, you can customize your own medical-themed cultural and creative badges at Pin Badge Maker.