Funny Doctor Doctor Jokes

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Doctor, doctor! Everyone thinks I am a liar.

Dr: I find that hard to believe.

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Doctor, doctor! I think I am a dog!

Dr: "Have a seat and we can talk"

But I am not allowed on the couch.

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Doctor, doctor! I just swallowed a roll of film

Dr: "Lie down on the bed here and let's see how this develops"

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like a bridge!

Dr: "What has come over you?"

So far, 6 buses, 3 trucks and 25 cars.

 

 

 

Doctor, doctor! I think I am a house curtain.

Dr: "Just relax and pull yourself together"

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Doctor, doctor! I think I am a telephone.

Dr: "Take these pills and if you still don't feel any better, give me a ring."

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Doctor, doctor! Can't you see I'm burning burning!

(sung to the Thompson Twins song)

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Doctor! Doctor! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam.

I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam

Dr: "relax sir, you're two tents"

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Doctor!, doctor! I have a lettuce stuck in my bum.

Dr: "It appears that this is just the tip of the iceberg"

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Doctor! doctor! i have double vision, I am seeing two of everything.

Dr: "Take a seat on the chair there"

Which one?

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Doctor! doctor! Have you got anything for my liver?

Dr: "Here is a bag of onions"

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Doctor! doctor! Have you got anything for a really bad headache?

Dr: "Sure, here is a hammer. Smack yourself in the forehead with it and you will have a really bad headache guaranteed"

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Doctor! doctor! My daughter thinks that she is a refrigerator.

Dr: "Leave her alone for a few days, she wants to chill out"

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Doctor! doctor! How am I supposed to stop my nose from running?

Dr: "Try sticking out your leg to trip it up"

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Doctor! doctor! How is that kid that swallowed a quarter?

Dr: "No change as of yet"

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Doctor! doctor! I can't seem to get to sleep.

Dr: "Lie on the very edge of the bed, you will drop off soon enough"

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Doctor! doctor! I am constantly auditioning people. Is there anything you can do to help me? Perhaps a little song or a number on the piano?

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Doctor! doctor! I am unable to stop playing scrabble.

Dr: "My word!"

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Doctor! doctor! I feel as if everyone and everything is up against me.

Dr: "Would it help if we moved to a bigger surgery?"

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Doctor! doctor! I am feeling funny today. What do you recommend I do?

Dr: "Maybe give stand up comedy a shot."

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like a 20 dollar note!

Dr: "Try going shopping, the change will do you good."

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like a snooker ball.

Dr: "I suggest you get to the back of the queue."

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Doctor! doctor! I think I am a small bucket.

Dr: "Well, you are looking a little pale."

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like chopped up carrots.

Dr: "Now don't go getting yourself in a stew"

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like a cat.

Dr: "Well what are you doing here? Go down the road to the vet."

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Doctor! doctor! I think I am a pack of cards.

Dr: "Get up on the table so I can deal with you."

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Doctor! doctor! I feel like a sewing machine.

Dr: "Would you like the nurse to give you some stitches?"

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Doctor! doctor! I think I am a spoon.

Dr "Take a seat in the waiting room but don't do any stirring."

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Doctor!! doctor! I feel like a house window.

Dr: "Show me where the pane is."

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Doctor! doctor! I feel run down.

Dr: "I suggest you be more careful when crossing the road"

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Doctor! doctor! My toes are on the wrong feet.

Dr: "Looks like a classic case of mix-ama-toes-sis"

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Doctor! doctor! I am unable to keep track of time.

Dr: "Yes, your appointment is in 3 days time"

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Doctor! doctor! I just swallowed a harmonica.

Dr: "Consider yourself lucky that you don't play the guitar"

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Doctor! doctor! I keep dreaming that there are scary aliens playing monopoly under my bed. What should I do?

Dr: "Hide the monopoly"

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My doctor reckons that I am paranoid. He didn't say it but I could tell that he was thinking it.

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