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Funny Doctor Doctor Jokes
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Doctor, doctor! Everyone thinks I am a liar.
Dr: I find that hard to believe.
Doctor, doctor! I think I am a dog!
Dr: "Have a seat and we can talk"
But I am not allowed on the couch.
Doctor, doctor! I just swallowed a roll of film
Dr: "Lie down on the bed here and let's see how this develops"
Doctor! doctor! I feel like a bridge!
Dr: "What has come over you?"
So far, 6 buses, 3 trucks and 25 cars.
Doctor, doctor! I think I am a house curtain.
Dr: "Just relax and pull yourself together"
Doctor, doctor! I think I am a telephone.
Dr: "Take these pills and if you still don't feel any better, give me a ring."
Doctor, doctor! Can't you see I'm burning burning!
(sung to the Thompson Twins song)
Doctor! Doctor! I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam.
I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam
Dr: "relax sir, you're two tents"
Doctor!, doctor! I have a lettuce stuck in my bum.
Dr: "It appears that this is just the tip of the iceberg"
Doctor! doctor! i have double vision, I am seeing two of everything.
Dr: "Take a seat on the chair there"
Which one?
Doctor! doctor! Have you got anything for my liver?
Dr: "Here is a bag of onions"
Doctor! doctor! Have you got anything for a really bad headache?
Dr: "Sure, here is a hammer. Smack yourself in the forehead with it and you will have a really bad headache guaranteed"
Doctor! doctor! My daughter thinks that she is a refrigerator.
Dr: "Leave her alone for a few days, she wants to chill out"
Doctor! doctor! How am I supposed to stop my nose from running?
Dr: "Try sticking out your leg to trip it up"
Doctor! doctor! How is that kid that swallowed a quarter?
Dr: "No change as of yet"
Doctor! doctor! I can't seem to get to sleep.
Dr: "Lie on the very edge of the bed, you will drop off soon enough"
Doctor! doctor! I am constantly auditioning people. Is there anything you can do to help me? Perhaps a little song or a number on the piano?
Doctor! doctor! I am unable to stop playing scrabble.
Dr: "My word!"
Doctor! doctor! I feel as if everyone and everything is up against me.
Dr: "Would it help if we moved to a bigger surgery?"
Doctor! doctor! I am feeling funny today. What do you recommend I do?
Dr: "Maybe give stand up comedy a shot."
Doctor! doctor! I feel like a 20 dollar note!
Dr: "Try going shopping, the change will do you good."
Doctor! doctor! I feel like a snooker ball.
Dr: "I suggest you get to the back of the queue."
Doctor! doctor! I think I am a small bucket.
Dr: "Well, you are looking a little pale."
Doctor! doctor! I feel like chopped up carrots.
Dr: "Now don't go getting yourself in a stew"
Doctor! doctor! I feel like a cat.
Dr: "Well what are you doing here? Go down the road to the vet."
Doctor! doctor! I think I am a pack of cards.
Dr: "Get up on the table so I can deal with you."
Doctor! doctor! I feel like a sewing machine.
Dr: "Would you like the nurse to give you some stitches?"
Doctor! doctor! I think I am a spoon.
Dr "Take a seat in the waiting room but don't do any stirring."
Doctor!! doctor! I feel like a house window.
Dr: "Show me where the pane is."
Doctor! doctor! I feel run down.
Dr: "I suggest you be more careful when crossing the road"
Doctor! doctor! My toes are on the wrong feet.
Dr: "Looks like a classic case of mix-ama-toes-sis"
Doctor! doctor! I am unable to keep track of time.
Dr: "Yes, your appointment is in 3 days time"
Doctor! doctor! I just swallowed a harmonica.
Dr: "Consider yourself lucky that you don't play the guitar"
Doctor! doctor! I keep dreaming that there are scary aliens playing monopoly under my bed. What should I do?
Dr: "Hide the monopoly"
My doctor reckons that I am paranoid. He didn't say it but I could tell that he was thinking it.
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