Keep Laughing Forever With These Builder And Construction Jokes

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What do airplane builders think about their job?

It is riveting.

 

 

 

 

Did you hear about the lesbian carpenters?

They didn't use any studs, just tongue and groove. Plus they always get the job done lickety split.

 

 

 

I have an excellent joke about construction but I still need to work on it.

 

 

 

I had some builders in last week doing rennovations on the outside of my house. It was quite a wet day when one of the builders approached the backdoor and asked me if he could please use my toilet.

I looked down at his extremely dirty boots and said, "ok, but let me just lay some newspaper down first".

He looked slightly offended and replied "It is ok, I am already trained".

I saw 2 construction workers having lunch together the other day. Do you know what they were building?

Friendship.

 

 

 

 

2 construction workers Bob and Cliff are sitting in porta loos beside one another. 

Bob hears Cliff say "damn it!". Bob asks him what is wrong?

Cliff explains that he dropped a $5 note down the toilet.

Bob finishes up his business and heads over to Cliff to see him throwing another $20 note into the toilet.

Bob asks him "what the hell are you doing?"

Cliff replies "You didn't think I would go down in there for just $5"

 

 

Why did the plumber have to quit his job fixing baths, sinks and showers?

The work was just too draining.

People are often shocked when they find out what a bad electrician I am.

How do you know if you have an issue with carpenter ants?

There are tiny beer cans scattered all over the site.

What is the tallest possible kind of building that man can build?

A library, because it easily has the most stories.

Q: What is the lightest kind of building that you can construct?

A: A lighthouse

Q: Why did the busybody roofer perform such a poor job on the building?

A: He was consistently eavesdropping.

What is a builders favourite book?  “Tighten a Drill Bit” by Chuck Key.

It was a hot summer's day when the foreman of a building site came back from a meeting to find one of his workers painting the building as he had been instructed, but he was wearing 2 rain jackets.

The foreman says to him "why on earth are you wearing two rain jackets, it is a hot day and not even raining!"

The worker replies "the instructions on the paint can said to make sure that you use two coats"

 

Q: Why did the construction worker love attaching steel together?

A: He found it riveting.

Q: What did the window glazier say when he cut himself on the window glass?

A: This is extremely paneful

Q: Never tell a window a joke.

A: You don't want to make it crack up.

 

Q: How many OSH inspectors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Five. One to change the lightbulb and four to hold the ladder in place.

Two builders John and Steve were in the middle of constructing a shop. Steve was performing the nailing with his hammer, he reaches into his nail pouch, takes out a nail and half the time he nails it in and the other time he discards the nail over his shoulder.

John was very confused upon seeing this and asks him, “Why do you keep throwing nails away John?”

John replies “Well if I pick up a nail and it points at the shop, I nail it in. Otherwise I just throw it away if it is pointing the wrong way because it is obviously useless."

Steve slaps himself in the forehead and says “John you idiot! There is absolutely nothing wrong with the nails that point the opposite way to the shop, they are for the other side of the building!"

What music do builders love listening to?

The Carpenters.


 

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