top of page

Keep Laughing Forever With These Lawyer Jokes!

(scroll down for Lawyer Jokes or pick another category instead)




What is the main difference between god and a lawyer?

God understands that he is not a lawyer.





What is the difference between a good lawyer and an excellent lawyer?

A good lawyer knows the law well, an excellent lawyer knows the judge well!





What do you call a 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

What do you call a 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

The Great Barrister reef.

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in a million have a chance of becoming human over time.

Why is it illegal for lawyers to sleep with their clients?

It prevents people being charged twice for essentially the same service.





What happened to the lawyer who took viagra?

He grew a few inches taller.

Why did god make rats before making lawyers?

He needed the practice.





What is the difference between lawyers and leeches?

Leeches go away once you are dead.





What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a bike?

The vacuum cleaner keeps the dirtbag on the inside.





What is the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?

One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking dirty creature, the other is a fish.





How does a lawyer say F You?

"trust me"

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

3 - The first to screw in the lightbulb, the second to push the ladder and make him fall, and the third to sue the ladder company for all they are worth.

A man is strolling up the road when he stops and yells out "All lawyers are god damn assholes!" A second fella goes right up to him and says "Excuse me but that was extremely offensive."

The first man says back at him "are you a Lawyer or something?"

The second fella yells back "no, im an asshole!"

What is the difference between speed humps and lawyers.

People slow down in their car when approaching speed humps.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy

Lawyer Pun's

  • The author's lawyer defended her rights in the book case.

  • What is a lawyers favourite food? Sue-shi

  • The lawyer was having difficulty reading the small print on some legal docs, so his doctor prescribed some contract lenses.

  • Early one winters morn a lawyer walks out to his front lawn and experiences the dew process.

  • Did you hear about the lawyer who sued the funeral company over the coffin? It was an open and shut case.

  • A lawyer was holding his his briefcase whilst cross examining the witness, eventually he rested his case.

  • When a lawyer speaks for a long time, there is usually an extended sentence.

  • What do most lawyers wear to work? Law suits.

  • A lawyer walks into a bar, instead of getting a whiskey he orders just-ice.

  • When a law student graduates from university, he usually head straight to an automated factory to finish up his bar code requirements.

bottom of page