The Best Funny Pilot Jokes And Puns!

(scroll down for Pilot Jokes or pick another category instead)

I asked a pilot once, how often do these things crash?

He replied "just once usually"

During the Coronavirus lockdown a pilot I know was doing some painting at his house, I went around to his house to check it out and was suprised to see how good his landing was.

Son: Mum, when I grow up I want to be a pilot.

Mum: Sorry son, you can't do both.

What is the difference between a co pilot and a duck?

A duck knows how to fly.

The only three sentences a good first officer needs to know:

clear right

yes sir it was pretty windy

I'll take the fat one

I recently made a website for kamikaze pilots.

There is no landing page.

How do you know you are halfway through a date with a pilot?

He says "enough about flying, lets talk about me."

Did you know that the propeller on a small plane is actaully there to keep the pilot cool?

Just watch, when it stops spinning the pilot will start sweating like crazy.

When you are flying planes, never forget our perfect record.

We have never left one up there.

How many pilots does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, he holds the lightbulb and the earth rotates around him.

How do you know if there is a pilot in the room?

He will already have told you.

What do doctors and pilots have in common?

They both wanted to be pilots when they were growing up.

Pilot: "We are 20,000 people in the air"

Blonde Air hostess: "I didn't realise there were that many people on the plane"

What is the main difference between god and a pilot?

God doesn't think that he is a pilot.

What is the difference between a jet engine and a co-pilot?

The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

What do you call a pregnant air hostess?

Pilot error.

The 3 things you don't want to hear in a cockpit?

Flight engineer: "That's odd..."

First officer: "I have an idea."

Captain: "Watch this!"

What is black, 18" long and hangs in front a big ass?

The pilots black tie.

Pilot to anyone "Enough about me, let's talk about my airplane.

Why are drone pilots considered the snobs of the sky?

They are always looking down on everyone.

One passenger says to the other "I think our pilot believes the plane is a russian dictator, he keeps yelling, the plane is Stalin, the plane is stalin!"

The blonde pilot was interviewed after her helicopter crash.

Interviewer: "Can you tell us what happened just before you crashed?"

Blonde: "well it was getting really cold so I decided to turn the fan off"

Co-Pilot: (looking down) "Sir can you tell me what these buttons do"

Captain: "They keep your shirt closed"

What do pilots take for better performance in the bedroom?

Flyagra

Steven Speilberg is working on a new series about flying planes, he is really focusing on the pilot.

What flavour ice cream does a pilot always order?

Plain

Pilot: "Attention everyone, we are all going to die!"

Passengers start freaking out and screaming until the pilot comes over the intercom again