Keep Laughing Forever Favourite Jokes
Keep Laughing Forever with these Funny One Liner Jokes!
​One difference between men and women is that when a woman says
"smell this", it usually smells nice.
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I think my wife has started to show the first signs of Alzheimers...
She said she can't remember what she ever saw in me!
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I recently purchased a toilet brush.
Long story short I'm going back to toilet paper.
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I went for a walk with a girl the other day.
When she noticed me, we went for a run.
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
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If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
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Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
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If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?
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Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked suprised.
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The shinbone is a device used for locating furniture in a dark room.
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I almost dropped my phone on my soft carpeted floor, but thank god I have got lightning reflexes and was able to slap it into the wall instead.
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A recent study has shown that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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If you ever see me out jogging, please kill whatever is chasing me.
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I saw my wife, slightly drunk, yelling at the TV "don't go in there!, don't go in the church you moron!"
She is watching our wedding video again.
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On Monday we start diarrhea awareness week.
It runs all week.
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I scared the mailman today by coming to the door naked.
I am not sure what scared him more, the fact that I was naked or that I knew where he lived.
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Dear Santa, I would like a new birthday suit this year.
My current one is old, wrinkled and sagging.
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Did you hear about the burglar who fell into a cement mixer?
He was a hardened criminal
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I am addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want..
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I have a bad inferiority complex, but it is not a very good one.
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People tell me that I am quite condescending
Lean in close
"That means I talk down to people"
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The other day I saw a sign that said "Watch For Children".
I thought to myself, that sounds like a fair trade.
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A gentleman gets home and is delighted when he finds out that all of his lightbulbs have been stolen.
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You'd have to be pretty low to pickpocket a midget.
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Hey, I just realised that whiteboards are remarkable
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I found that if you tuck one part of your trousers into your sock people expect much less from you.
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People who use selfie sticks need to take a long hard look at themselves.
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I ate a watch yesterday, it was extremely time consuming.
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Ghost walks into a bar and orders a shot of rum.
Bartender says, sorry we don't serve spirits here.
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